HOW TO SCAM NIGERIAN FUNDS FOR YOUR TIME MACHINE

If you don’t know about Nigerian scams then you’ve probably never used the internet. Seems like every couple weeks these West-African crooks drop me an email thinking I’m dumb enough to bite. Some people must or the cons wouldn’t keep trying. So it was no surprise when I checked my inbox Tuesday morning and found another Nigerian grab at my wallet.

But it was different this round. For a change, I had little on my plate and time on my hands so I decided to turn the tide on this guy. Here’s what “Mr. Martins Logan Scott” from Nigeria wrote me. Then I’ll show you my reply  🙂

—– Original Message —–
From: “Martins Logan Scott” <voldemars@ngn.lv>
Sent: Tuesday, March 7, 2017 4:24:23 AM
Subject: Investment Proposal

Attn: Sir — We have gone through your country’s investment profile and history and we are interested to invest in it, we will be willing to partner with you and invest a substantial amount of money in your company if you have an existing company or we can also partner with you to set up a new one, provided you have a substantial and complete feasibility study and a well prepared business plan on the business/company you wil need us to partner with you.

Our group is a major player in investment in the middle east, Africa and the United States of America, we believe in pursuing a positive goal, in which your ideas can be enhanced potentially for mutual benefit.

As we seek new frontier and opportunities, we look forward to partner with you. Your prompt reply will be most welcome.

Best regards — Martins Logan Scott — martin.loganscott@gmail.com

—– Original Reply —–
From: “Garry Rodgers” <garry.rodgers@shaw.ca>
Sent: Tuesday, March 7, 2017 7:48:09 AM
Subject: Investment Proposal

Good day Mr. Logan Scott,

Thank you for your investment interest. I trust this reply finds you well and in accordance with the situation.

I appreciate your due diligence in appraising my investment profile and history. That is the primary mark of a careful and prudent investor as I’m sure you and the major players in your group are.

Your unsolicited offer comes at a timely stage in a current venture I’m working on.  I was planning to release investment offerings by-invitation-only prior to a NYSE IPO. However, I’m open to prioritizing your group’s investment of a substantial amount of money during my project’s Research & Development (R&D) stage. Therefore, I’d be pleased to accommodate you and your esteemed business associates in safely appropriating your funds.

With an understanding of your agreement to confidentiality, my project involves a revised form of hyper-velocity, multi-directional transportation. The concept for analogous movement between distant portals, both historic and forthcoming, is nothing new. Space-time dilation based on the Einstein-Rosen bridge theory has been conceptualized for decades. Practical application of Faster-Than-Light (FTL) amplification was bottlenecked due to tachyon condensation which restricted Portal Entrance and Exit (PEE), but there’s now a clear and unique opportunity for a massive breakthrough.

I’m sure you’re familiar with the 1985 works of Dr. Emmett Brown and his DeLorean model. Unfortunately, it’s been three decades since Doc vanished in a timely experiment. Although I patiently await his return, progress must move forward. With this, I’ve acquired Doc’s patent rights to the Flux Capacitor (FC) – the propulsion device central to warping the Space-Time Continuum (STC). Early technology restricted FC Input/Output (I/O) to 1.21 jigawatts, however… I’ve found a method of quadrupling I/O to 4.84 jigawatts, theoretically making the trip four times faster.

An additional advancement is planned in STC vehicle adaptation. The initial Entry/Reentry Velocity (ERV) difficulties experienced by the DeLorean vehicle proved dangerous. It’s now identified the angular, gull-wing profile created a Disturbance-In-The-Force (DITF). Evolving trials using a rounded VW Beetle prototype was thought to calm FTL/STC/PEE/DITF/ERV vibration – also known as Tolman’s paradox. Quickly, I learned the bulky Punch-Buggie (PB) approach brought no returns and I took a hit.

Compounding the situation is the original 1.21 jigawatt FC only required an 88 mph ERV. With a four-times capacity 4.84 jigawatt FC, it’s boosted the ERV to 352 mph. I realized… Great Scott! That’s a lot of ground speed. Fortunately, I’ve identified the new Aston Martin AM RB-001 Valkyrie as the perfect design. Now—here’s where you come in.

As you know, the Valkyrie is a highly advanced work of technology and produced in 25 unit allotments. I’ve placed an order for one Valkyrie to be refitted as a PEE vehicle, however, the Aston Martin Corporation requires pre-payment in full. With your timely offer of substantial investment capital, in return, I’m offering you the exclusive opportunity to fund my Valkyrie acquisition as the PEE vehicle of choice. It’s noble you believe in pursuing a positive goal and ideas than can be enhanced potentially for our mutual benefit.

Appreciatively, I’m accepting your group’s investment of $3.12 million USD. This covers the Valkyrie purchase, shipping, and handling. Please make an immediate monetary transfer via Western Union for deposit into my account #6105-883-464-0901 at Nanaimo, British Columbia, Canada. In lieu of cash, your direct purchase of the AM RB-001 PEE Valkyrie can be delivered to my Vancouver Island R&D facility.

Thank you for your generous offer, Mr. Logan Scott. Once my project is operational, I confidently assure your investment will be returned to you, along with accrued interest, to any point you prescribe in time. Your prompt reply will be most welcome.

I remain, sir, humbly indebted.

Garry Rodgers

It’s now Saturday morning. I’ve yet to hear from Mr. Martins Logan Scott but I trust he’ll be back in the future.

28 thoughts on “HOW TO SCAM NIGERIAN FUNDS FOR YOUR TIME MACHINE”

  2. Sue Coletta

    Hahahahahahaha!!!! You made my morning. Those Nigerian scams are so annoying, ’bout time they get their comeuppance. Nicely done, my friend.

    1. Garry Rodgers Post author

      Thanks, Scott. I sure hope it works out because I really could use that 3.12 mil right now. Otherwise, I’m going to forced to install the flux capacitor in my 2002 Ford Taurus and it’s not going to be a pretty ride 🙂

  4. JA

    Mr Scott is obviously an atheist, as he didn’t salute you as “dearly beloved in Jesus” or some such, as all decent God-fearing Nigerian scammers do.

    You can’t trust atheists. Being one myself, I know this for a fact.

  5. Aussie Guy

    The scams have eased in Australia of late, and I do miss the official looking letter with all the spelling mistakes and the fake rubber stamps, many minutes of laughter I have received free from these clever but ill-informed scammers, almost as much fun as the Indian Microsoft scammers.

    1. Garry Rodgers Post author

      They keep trying to hit the top side of the world – maybe you guys down under are not as big a mark as our North American suckers. Thanks for stopping by, Aussie!

  6. Paul Dale Anderson

    OMG! Aren’t you afraid they’ll steal your idea? With their limitless funds, they might buy the AM Valkyrie for themselves and beat you to the future profits! Quickly now, there’s no time to lose. Send me fifty million USD and I’ll expedite funding for you and hire a hit man to take care of any competition. Wire transfer the funds to my account at the Federal Corrections Facility where my office is located.

  7. Tom Rizzo

    This is great, Garry. I was playing around with developing an answer myself but I couldn’t come close to the artistry you’ve employed. I wouldn’t worry too much about Mr. Martins Logan Scott getting back to you. Heck, after reading your reply, surely they’ll cross you off the list … won’t they?

  9. Peter Mulraney

    Mr Scott and his mates are probably busy trying to crack the password for that account or they’ve seen your promotional material, featuring Doc’s work with the DeLorean and have yet to recover from their laughing fit.

  10. Joe Broadmeadow

    You could amend the original offer to PEE to include Static Hypervelocity Integrative Teleportation (SHIT) and the advanced Propulsion Optimized Omega Protocol (POOP)

  12. Diana McDowell

    Hysterical !
    If I see a proposal from a Nigerian banker like your reply, I’ll know they copied you!! 😀

    1. Garry Rodgers Post author

      I’m going to give Mr. Logan Scott another few days then send him a courtesy follow up. Possibly he hasn’t got his bankers approval yet. Thanks for stopping by, Diana!

    2. Lynn Laughlin

      Garry,
      Haven’t gotten one of these emails in a few years but about 15 years ago, I received them as often as 3-4 times a week! They were just so funny, and I always forwarded them to my friend Sam for him to laugh at as well. Then HE started getting them, too. The best of the lot was the one in response to his ad for a condominium he owns as rental property: a nice 2 bed, 2 bath townhouse, and he advertised a couple of local papers for new tenants. The response (in typically broken English) contained the rent and deposit (mind you, the fellow had not even seen the place nor filled out an application, being in Nigeria) in the form of US Postal Money Orders that were, as the local Postmaster said later, the best imitations he had ever seen. The “applicant” told Sam he was going to attend university here in Nashville, etc. etc. and was just so excited to move here! He said that he had furniture stored in Nigeria that he needed to sell, so would Sam be so kind as to deposit his money orders but send back $500 in the form of yet ANOTHER money order made out to him (applicant): some gibberish about the high exchange rate or something. Sam wrote back, telling the guy how happy he was to have rent out the property so quickly and how glad he was the applicant would be enjoying his time in Nashville….and then, the clincher: he said, and I quote…”by a strange coincidence, I, too, have furniture stored in Nigeria. I propose to fly there on the 17th of the month and will call you, whereupon we can both get our furniture out of storage together…”
      Of course, no reply!
      My favorite that I received stated, that “I am a first cousin of the deposed King of the Belgian Congo..”whereupon I felt the need to tell my writer that it had not been called the “Belgian Congo” for many decades.
      Lynn in TN

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