JOSEPH WAMBAUGH — INTERVIEWING CRIME WRITING’S MASTER OF CHARACTERS

Joseph Wambaugh is crime writing’s master of cop & crook characters. Unlike many crime writers, Joe Wambaugh policed in the Los Angeles trenches. He’s worked with guys like Roscoe Rules, a fictional yet true-to-life rogue in The Choir Boys whose behavior was delightfully over-the-top. Wambaugh also served with psychologically-wounded real-life officers like Karl Hettinger portrayed in The Onion Field as a PTSD victim sadly spirally down after his partner’s on-duty execution. And, after 50 years in the police and crime writing business, Joseph Wambaugh knows his characters and remains down-to-earth. I’m honored to share the Royal Canadian Mounted Police (RCMP) Quarterly magazine’s recent interview with crime writing’s master.

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In 1971, Little, Brown & Company published a novel with a catchy title, The New Centurions. It was the first book from a young writer who described his profession in a way never been done before. The author was a homicide detective with the Los Angeles Police Department and the book was an unorthodox look at policing—full of colorful characters tossed together in a zany, chaotic world of life and death. Joseph Wambaugh was describing policing in the City of Los Angeles, but it might as well have been any city. The New Centurions was a runaway bestseller.

Joe Wambaugh went on to write 15 more novels and 5 non-fiction books. He wrote TV scripts, contributed to movies and television shows, and became a household name in police and literary circles. Fame forced him to leave policing and propelled him onto the author’s circuit in countries around the world. He made appearances on countless TV shows, including The Tonight Show with Johnny Carson.

Wambaugh’s fame continues to this day. His books continue to sell, phrases he coined are commonly used in policing and—most of all—he left a profound mark on the police profession. Joseph Wambaugh understood cops. He also recognized the emotional toll of “the job” on police officers, long before Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) was a diagnosed condition.

Joe Wambaugh also exposed the disparities in society through his examination of topics as diverse as dog shows and prostitution, describing the opulence and hypocrisy of some, as a counterpoint to the pathetic underbelly of society. Wambaugh described the job of a police officer in a gritty, realistic way that upset the prevailing view of policing as a mechanistic, black and white world of good and evil, typified by TV shows such as Dragnet and Adam-12.

No one underestimates the role Wambaugh had on policing and its perception by the public. Police officers came to understand the heroic qualities and tragic frailties of their peers and themselves. The public saw police as dedicated and brave, but imperfect human beings like themselves. Through Joseph Wambaugh’s works, policing became seen as a high-risk profession—physically and emotionally. Police Story and Hill Street Blues became the new TV paradigm of policing.

Today, Joe Wambaugh remains an astute observer of policing from the distance of his California home. He’s a husband, father and grandfathera youthful 82 and sharp as a tack. The Quarterly had the pleasure of interviewing this most unassuming man. Here’s the conversation.

Joe, you grew up in East Pittsburgh and joined the Marine Corps at age 17. Why?

I had been living in southern California for three years before joining the USMC. I joined because after graduating from high school, I did not want to go to college, and was too young to get a decent job. Thanks to the military, I benefited from the GI bill and used it for college later on.

What inspired you to become a police officer?

I took college classes while in the military, then doubled up on classes when I left the Marine Corps at age 20, graduating with a Bachelor of Arts before my 23rd birthday. I had intended to become a teacher but saw an ad in The Los Angeles Times that the LAPD was paying $489 a month to recruits. It was very enticing, as I was bored with school and wanted some action.

At what point in your career did you decide to mix writing with policing?  Did someone influence you to write?

I had majored in English and every literature major who has ever lived is a closet writer. I read John Le Carré’s spy novel, The Spy Who Came In From the Cold. For me, it was the ultimate story of police undercover work. I decided to write that novel.

How did you break into the publishing world?

I sent short stories to all the cheapo magazines and received rejections. I sent one story to the same magazine twice because I was convinced they had not read it the first time. It came back to me with a note: “Dear Schmuck, it’s no better this time than last time.” In desperation, I tried a literary magazine, The Atlantic Monthly. They encouraged me to try a novel. That did it; The New Centurions was the result. I could never find the “Dear Schmuck” letter to send it back to him.

Tell me about the reaction to The New Centurions.

I knew my Chief of Police would not approve of the book. I violated Departmental policy by not submitting the manuscript for editorial approval. It became the main selection of the Book of the Month Club. I received a check for $50,000 in 1970. The Chief ’s public comment was that he was glad Sergeant Wambaugh is making a lot of money because he won’t have a job much longer. The press jumped all over it. Everyone was on my side. Everyone had to see what this young cop had done. The book remained on The New York Times best seller list for 32 weeks.

You‘ve been referred to as the father of the modern police novel. Comments?

It was my intention from the beginning, to tell the story of policing from a different and more realistic perspective – the gritty, cynical, slapstick and emotional side of policing. The public was ready for truth, in place of entertaining propaganda. Jack Webb, the creator and star of Dragnet, became involved in all the kerfuffle over the release of The New Centurions. He got a man to contact me to say that Webb would read the manuscript and if it deserved to be aired, he would protect me from being fired.

My homicide partner and I drove to Sunset Boulevard in Beverly Hills and dropped off the manuscript. Well, it took a couple of weeks. I finally got a call that the manuscript was there to be picked up. We drove back in our detective car. The manuscript was in a wrapper. I said to my partner that the manuscript was heavier than when I brought it here. Every place where Webb worried about the content, he placed a paper clip – 500 in total. Every page had multiple paper clips. I kept the paperclips and never met Webb.

The practice of letting off steam after a shift is seen in The Choirboys. But that book also described a darker side to the police profession, in which the emotional toll can be greater than the physical danger, occasionally leading to suicide and divorce. Comments?

If I had still been in the LAPD at the time that The Choirboys was published, it would surely have gotten me fired. I have always said that the physical dangers of policing were overstated by TV shows and movies, but police officers are constantly exposed to the worst of people and ordinary people at their worst. This produces premature cynics and makes it one of the most emotionally dangerous jobs in the world.

Your writing style is somewhat unconventional, described as a series of connected episodes involving colorful characters, more so than plot-driven. How did you develop this style?

The style reflects how I see life: episodic. That leads to character-driven stories, rather than plot-driven stories. I am no Agatha Christie.

What techniques did you use to document the many great stories which you fictionalized?

I took lots of secret notes as a cop and kept them in boxes and drawers in case I ever decided to try writing.

You also faced danger yourself.

I happened to be one of a dozen besieged cops at Manchester and Vermont Streets on Friday the 13th of August 1965 when Watts erupted in rioting and all the shooting started. I don’t know if one of the hundreds of rioters fired or if it was a cop, but a couple of bodies fell. And then all hell really broke loose for three days. We were ordered to 77th Street Station earlier that afternoon from all over Los Angeles and assigned to three-man cars with cops we’d never met before. We were given a box of ammunition and a shotgun and sent to unfamiliar streets, with the intent of stopping the riots.

It was not police work, but a crazy kind of urban combat in a state of anarchy. We mainly tried to protect each other while mobs looted. The windows were smashed from our car within minutes, and at some point, one of the cops I was teamed with fired a shotgun blast in the general direction of a muzzle flash and managed to hit a looter in the ankle with one pellet of double- aught buckshot. Taking that looter for medical treatment and then to jail got us off the street for nearly two hours and was a welcome relief, ut then it was back out to hell. Anyway, that wasn’t really police work.

Joe, tell me then about a police incident that had a lasting impact on you.

I was a patrol officer in south central L.A. We had a lot of shootings and action. I was training rookie named Fred Early. He was only out of the Academy for matter of weeks. We got a call of shots fired at a pool hall and arrived just ahead of another black and white. A guy stepped out of the pool hall with a shotgun. Pellets whiz past us and he heads back inside.

I didn’t pay attention to Fred Early. Everyone was yelling, and the radio was blaring. It turns out that Fred had run around the building and covered the back door. He was assertive and smart. The robber runs out the back door holding the shotgun at port arms. Fred fired one round. I arrived to find the suspect on his back with a grimace on his face and a hole between his eyes.

That, however, wasn’t the end of the story. Five years later, Fred Early was on his way home from work. Something happened. He reported a burglar breaking into a commercial business. He tried to arrest the suspect. A fight ensued, he was repeatedly beaten and kicked in the head by his assailant and shot in the leg with his own gun. The guy got away. Fred eventually died during one of his surgeries, having suffered irreversible brain damage.

You’re a New York Times bestselling author and the winner of many awards, including Grand Master of the Mystery Writers of America. Did you anticipate your novels’ impact and it would become next to impossible for you to resume work as a homicide detective?

Nobody could have anticipated the instant success. I simply wanted to publish something. I never dreamed that I would be unable to complete my 20 years with the LAPD and get my pension, the security blanket all cops want. Many times, I regretted my success. Fourteen years was seventy per cent of what I agreed to serve. I thought about it a thousand times. I would love to just have completed it. Also, in those years, I was used to packing a gun and no longer had a right to carry a gun.

Do you have a favorite character in your novels?

I don’t really have a favorite character, but nonfiction books are like my step-children, novels are like my biological children.

Is Joe Wambaugh in the novels himself?

Pieces of me are probably in some of the fictional characters.

At some point, you decided to write non-fiction, beginning with The Onion Field, which was a huge hit. Why did you expand from the fiction genre?

I knew there was a great true story that had to be told, not so much about the murdered officer, Ian Campbell, but about the survivor, Karl Hettinger. I was working Wilshire Vice the night that Campbell and Hettinger were kidnapped in Hollywood Division, the next division north of us. Everyone was looking for them. I stayed close to the case. When I heard what happened to Hettinger within the Department, I knew it was wrong and that he would pay a terrible price. He surely did.

Your books spawned TV shows and movies and turned the existing genre of television shows, such as Dragnet and Adam-12, on their head, helping spawn a new paradigm, typified by Police Story and Hill Street Blues. Thoughts?

I’ll give you an example. I worked on Police Story which aired on NBC television. After some rookies have a year or so under their belt, their badge starts to feel heavy and they begin to swagger a bit. We created an episode about what we, at LAPD called the John Wayne Syndrome. For some reason, the producer submitted the script to John Wayne Productions. Their response— “absolutely not.”

The production company got cold feet and changed the term to the Wyatt Earp Syndrome. The badge heavy cop loses everything, including his wife. At the end of the episode he is seen sitting on the bed of his empty apartment. The tough guy suddenly breaks down weeping and the show ends with the sound of a radio call playing over his sobs.

Using a radio call has become a part of line of duty police funerals, where the fallen officer is called on the police radio and fails to respond. Did this tradition begin with your writing?

Not to my knowledge. However, not being too vain, the tradition of playing bagpipes at police funerals started after The Onion Field was published. The book introduced it by recounting Officer Ian Campbell’s funeral. His grandparents on both sides were from Scotland and Ian loved everything Scottish. There is a photo of him playing the bagpipes. They were played at his funeral, and this was repeated in the movie. It was heartbreaking.

Another non-fiction book, The Blooding, tells the story of the first successful use of DNA profiling, which occurred in England. How did you learn of this case and did you anticipate the huge impact that DNA would have on policing?

I read about the case and knew at once, if it could be true, that this would be the biggest event in crime detection since inked fingerprinting.

One of your most entertaining books must be The Black Marble, a story about dog shows and crime. But there appears to be a deeper meaning in this and other books, which appear to use satire to pan the excesses of modern American society.

That is probably true. As with most of my work, all the comedy is tempered by some intense and painful scenes involving PTSD in police work. I really liked the movie of Black Marble, but the mix of funny and harrowing stories, including the torture and death of a child and a cop going crazy, confused some viewers who either loved or hated it. Harry Dean Stanton was a great comedic villain in the movie.

Do you have a sense of the impact that your books had outside the United States?

My books are fading into distant memory. I’m not sure that there is a large society of avid book readers left, anywhere in the world. At the time, however, I met cops in Europe, Australia and New Zealand during book tours. I did become aware of their impact. It was very flattering.

Have you visited Canada and met Canadian police officers?

I did the book tour to large cities and met a few Canadian coppers. I also spent a month in Toronto prepping Echoes in the Darkness, a TV mini-series, where we made Toronto look like Philadelphia. We brought in palm trees and placed them on the shore of Lake Ontario, turning it into Miami! One day in April it was so hot that we were in t-shirts. The next morning, the snow was six inches deep! While in Toronto, we had to fly to New York to interview actors, but everyone had the same feeling—New York was foreign to us, Toronto was like home. Such a great city. I thought about it the other day when I read about a terrible shooting in Greektown. I used to go there all the time for dinner.

Would you recommend a policing career to young people today?

All my life I’ve seen it getting worse and worse. The police can do no right. They are criticized more and more. Criticism starts before the facts come out.

One important point in terms of police shootings. The critics are endless. So called bad or shaky shootings arise from fear not anger. Fear is the motivator in the case of bad shootings. Shootings arising from police rage are uncommon. This is a fundamental thing that has to be understood. I would not recommend policing as a career today.

How does Joe Wambaugh spend his time today?

Dee and I married when I was an 18-year-old Marine and we have two children and two grandchildren. I hate the idea of retirement. The worst part of old age is the loss of creative energy and being unable to write more books. Three of my four grandparents were Irish immigrants – the fourth being a German-American originally named Wambach – so mostly Irish DNA means that I tend to see the world and my life through a glass darkly. On the other hand, it is probably my Irish DNA that made me a writer in the first place. So, what do I have to bitch about? Semper cop!

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Joe Wambaugh took a chance almost 50 years ago to write about policing from the perspective of a street cop. He forever changed how the public perceives police officers, their role in society, the pitfalls of the profession and its strengths. It’s from such realistic—in your face—writing that we have a better understanding of the mysteries of what it means to be a police officer and the heavy toll it takes on officers and the larger police family. May we continue to learn from the wonderful tales told by Joseph Wambaugh and enjoying his captivating pages.

Acknowledgements

My DyingWords thanks to two retired RCMP members for contacting Joseph Wambaugh for a talk. Staff Sergeant (ret’d) Michael Duncan, who I worked with in the 1980s, is on the editorial board of The Quarterly It’s been the RCMP voice since 1933. Deputy Commissioner (ret’d) Peter German is a Quarterly contributor who spent time with Joe Wambaugh and put this piece together. It’s a unique insight into how Joseph Wambaugh’s police and writing career progressed. It’s also a fascinating insight into Wambaugh’s thoughts that captivating crime writing isn’t about how cops work on cases—it’s about how cases work on cops.

MISTER BIG UNDERCOVER STING CONVICTS ANOTHER COLD CASE KILLER

The “Mister Big” undercover sting is an exceptionally effective cold case homicide investigation technique where police set up a fictitious organized crime group and entice a suspect to confess to an unsolved crime they’ve committed. Since developed and perfected in the 1990s by the Royal Canadian Mounted Police (RCMP), the fictional Mister Big ruse sent dozens of murderers to prison. That’s despite conventional police procedures failing to find admissible evidence… leaving the jaws of justice wide open to trick and do-in deviant criminals with this innovative and highly-incriminating trap.

This week, the RCMP convicted another cold case killer evading justice for 40 years. It was long overdue and fair game. The Mister Big undercover sting might be controversial to bleeding-heart civil rights activists and money-hungry defense lawyers, but the man playing the theatrical Mister Big in the undercover scheme brings immeasurable comfort and closure to the families of defenseless murder victims.

Garry Taylor Handlen is Mister Big’s latest justice-delayed example. A jury in Vancouver, British Columbia, Canada, just convicted this 71-year-old monster of kidnapping, raping and strangling 12-year-old Monica Jack in 1978. Canada doesn’t have the death penalty, but Garry Handlen will die in jail with a mandatory life sentence. Mister Big and his police investigative team made sure of it after Handlen confessed to murdering Monica Jack during an undercover operation.

Before going into what Mister Big’s undercover investigation procedure involves, Monica Jack deserves respect. This innocent young girl was riding her bike near Merritt, B.C., which is ranching country east of Vancouver. Handlen spotted her from his truck and camper. A serial sexual opportunist, Handlen stopped, wrestled Monica into his camper, kidnapped her and took her up a mountainside. Then he raped Monica, strangled her and dumped her lifeless body in the woods.

It was 17 years before Monica Jack’s skeletal remains were found and identified. However, Garry Handlen was on the police persons-of-interest list right away. A witness saw Handlen at a rest stop. They also saw Monica Jack being taken by a man—similar to Handlen’s description—to a distinctive truck and camper consistent with Handlen’s registered vehicle.

Garry Handlen was no stranger to police. He was a serial sexual offender—now a known serial killer— who was in and out of jail for serious sexual offenses. Handlen was on parole for rape when he accosted Monica Jack. He was also suspected in a string of violent offenses including sex murders.

Police at the time had a general description of Monica’s abductor and vehicle. But, they had no body and certainly no forensic evidence like today’s DNA technology or video surveillance. All they had was Handlen’s guilty mind and his intimate knowledge of what really happened when he murdered Monica Jack. That’s what eventually sunk Garry Handlen when he confessed to Mister Big during an elaborately choreographed undercover operation.

The Mister Big ruse sounds simple in principle. The police undercover team targets a viable suspect like Handlen to gain his confidence. This is a slow, methodical process where they make contact several times removed from the main undercover players. Steadily, they bring their target into the fold and make him reliant on a fictitious crime organization. To prove his worth, or be protected from prosecution, the target eventually confesses his crime to Mister Big—an all-powerful and superior crime boss who can make anything happen.

In reality, the Mister Big undercover operation is difficult and expensive. It takes months—sometimes years—of planning and putting into play layers upon layers of scenarios needed to get a target vulnerable to confessing. Sometimes, it never happens and the time spent of twenty to thirty undercover officers in supporting roles is wasted. That’s not including hundreds of thousands of dollars in public expense setting up the sting.

The RCMP has an impressive success record with the Mister Big sting. They won’t release exact figures, but inside sources indicate they’ve done over 200 Mister Big Sting operations. Some fizzled out because the target wouldn’t bite. Some even exonerated the suspect. But for criminals who’ve confessed to Mister Big, the police and prosecution have a 95 percent conviction rate. Garry Handlen’s going-down added to the success list.

So why have Canadian authorities used the Mister Big Sting so successfully to convict cold-case killers when other countries like the United States stay away from the ruse? It’s because of entrapment. As much as Canada is seen worldwide as this bleeding-heart bastion of civil liberties with a socialist soft-belly—Canada isn’t as much of a lawyer-run place like the States.

Maybe it’s because Canada is careful about following the U.S. lead in bad jurisprudence decisions and making those same mistakes. Canada learned that Miranda shouldn’t taint “the fruit of the poison tree” nor should DeLorean dictate rules of entrapment. Canada has this thing called the Charter of Rights and Freedoms which says that criminal evidence has a “Bringing the Administration of Justice into Disrepute” test. This is a two-headed coin where artificially dismissing truthful evidence under a Miranda application or Delorean entrapment procedure would not be in the public interest. In fact, not allowing truthful evidence gained through the Mister Big investigative approach would bring the administration of justice into disrepute, at least in the common person’s common-sense view.

Canadian courts look at each case on its own merit—within general admissibility guidelines. In Canada, there’s nothing wrong with police officers tricking viable suspects into incriminating themselves as long as the authorities don’t threaten them and make them do something they wouldn’t do within their own free will. In other words—let them talk, be themselves and naturally confess their crimes.

The main criteria for allowing confessions made in Mister Big stings into trial evidence is they’re corroborated in some way that proves the accused is truthful. That’s usually by the accused disclosing some piece of key-fact or hold-back information known only to the crime’s perpetrator and those closely involved in the investigation. This is the safeguard in preventing false confessions from convicting a wrongfully accused and innocent person.

RCMP Mister Big stings don’t just happen. They’re tightly controlled operations where highly skilled investigators collaborate with many support services. Mister Big undercover operations employ technical units like wiretapping, bugging and clandestine visual surveillance professionals. Stings use mobile eyes like airplanes and drones. They use prompts, staging, costumes and makeup worthy of Broadway theatre productions. And undercover operations depend on psychological services like the Behavioral Science Unit for profiling targets to find vulnerabilities. They also protect the physical and mental health of their operators.

Why don’t the United States and other first-world countries use the Canadian-led Mister Big technique? Actually, they do. Because the Mister Big investigation technique is legal in Canada—within limits—confessions gained on Canadian soil can be admissible in the U.S. and other courts. Other countries team with the RCMP to have undercover operations done inside Canadian territory.

The case of Atif Ratay and Sebastian Burns is a prime example of international investigation cooperation. Ratay and Burns brutally murdered Ratay’s family in Seattle, Washington, with baseball bats to collect insurance money. Then they fled across the border to their native Canada and eventually fell trapped in the RCMP’s Mister Big sting. After confessing, these two killers were extradited back to the United States where they sit doing life.

The RCMP exports its Mister Big sting expertise worldwide. Seasoned RCMP operatives and instructors from the Canadian Police College help many international police agencies develop versions of the Mister Big sting that work in their countries. It’s all about finding crime-fighting tools that identify the guilty—and, yes—sometimes exonerate the innocent.

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On a personal note from DyingWords, I worked with the RCMP members who pioneered the Mister Big undercover investigative technique. Their names remain anonymous, although one’s now passed on and the other recently retired. These dedicated police officers thought outside the restricted confines that stop imaginative breakthroughs in police sciences. Truly, they were ahead of their time.

I joined the RCMP in 1978 and just graduated from the Academy when Garry Taylor Handlen abducted, raped and murdered Monica Jack. Over the years, I helped investigate still-unsolved murders that Handlen may have committed. And I worked with talented undercover operators on Mister Big stings where we had success when other investigative avenues failed.

I’m not plugging a book sale here. My based-on-true-crime novel Under The Ground follows an actual Mister Big undercover sting where a cold-blooded killer might have got away with murder if Mister Big hadn’t intervened. Under The Ground is free for DyingWords followers.

If you’d like a digital copy of Under The Ground, just email me at garry.rodgers@shaw.ca and I’ll send you a Kobo/ePub, Kindle/mobi or PDF version.

GET YOUR EROTIC BDSM KINKS AT THE SOUTHWEST LEATHER CONFERENCE

If you’re like me, you probably appreciate quality leather products. Maybe you’d relish a genuine bison-skin jacket or an exotic ostrich-hide purse. Possibly you covet an expensive pair of alligator shoes. And you could be shopping for an old-time, leather messenger bag for your laptop as I am. This week, I searched online for the perfect leather computer case when—suddenly—I got an unexpected invitation to the 2019 Southwest Leather Conference in Phoenix, Arizona. It’s an extreme Bondage & Discipline/Sado-Masochism (BDSM) fetish weekend where anything goes including every erotic sexual kink you can promiscuously twist around leather. Somehow, they thought I’d be a good fit. Let me tell you what happened.

I’m ramping up my writing career this year. That includes turning a fashion leaf and going for the Writer 3.0 look. For Christmas, my family replaced my Levis, Cabalas and Carharts with something more urbane and up-town. They dressed me in distinguished Brixton and CORE. I gotta say, I like what they bought. Now it’s time to go all-out. I smiled, posing in the mirror. I’ll dump my old Kevlar case and splurge on that real-leather computer bag I always wanted.

I saw lots of leather briefcases and computer bags in retail stores—all shapes, sizes, colors and textures. Some contemporary. Some classic. Some too fancy. Some too plain. But, some reminded me of worn leather cases seasoned trial lawyers hauled into Supreme Court or those beat-up masterpieces courier boys once slung over their shoulders and bicycled with—long before FedEx eviscerated their souls. I’d love a cool leather sidekick like those lawyers and couriers had… nothing too weird or too kinky, though.

I specifically wanted a classic messenger bag with the buckles and pockets. No Velcro, zips or snaps for me. But what retail shops stocked weren’t right, plus their price-point sucked. I went home to Google Chrome. I’ll go online and pick up an internet deal.

Google showed a great selection. I expected super discounts on leather bags—especially as Christmas was over and Boxing Day sales were on. But as Google fed me pages, I saw it was the usual “You get what you pay more for” when I typed in “Best Quality Leather Messenger Bags For Men”.

Oh, there was nice stuff for sure. Google showed me a Frye Logan leather bag with an antique cognac finish and a Jacquard lining that oozed sophistication—Nordstroms had it at $498 USD—but that was a bit rich. Google found a Gucchi that’d make Amal Clooney notice me. It was well north of two grand. Nope. Then Google showed me stuff from Jost Futura, Mancini and Coach Manhattan. Nice. However, reality price checks sent them packing.

I loved Google’s suggestion on a Knomo London Brompton piece for $299. It even had an RFID implant for when it gets lost at the airport. It was the right size for a small Mac, but not my big old PC. I saw a Mulberry Brynmore bag at $1,270 and there was a Prada Saffiano with a slogan “Gentlemen Prefer Black”. It had a contrasting canvas strap, all for $1,540. Then came a budget-bag from Cambridge priced at $255—in my range. Sadly, it was too smooth a surface—not the rugged Hemmingway-on-a-bender look that I wanted.

I got off Google, took a break and scrolled my Facebook feed. What a coincidence! In my sidebar, there was the perfect suggestion. Denali Leather Goods popped-up an ad for exactly the right messenger bag. Couldn’t be better if I made it myself. It was burnished brown goat leather—I have no problem sacrificing a goat for personal pleasure—with one buckle, one front pouch and numerous inside compartments.

This bag-of-bags had eleven 5-Star Reviews and was fifteen bucks off the retail price of $159.99. Plus shipping was free everywhere but war-torn countries. Perfect. I’ll buy it with my card on January 2nd when I can get free money for 45 days.

Hmmm. Sumpin’ funny goin’ on. Since I’d been Googling leather stuff, my FB home page was sending me suggestions. I got unsolicited ads for leather shoes and leather hats and leather furniture. I got ads for leather boots and leather bridles. Then I got a personal message inviting me to attend the 2019 Southwest Leather Conference in Phoenix, Arizona.

This might be interesting. I clicked, expecting some open-air craft market where talented leatherworkers offered hand-made leather goods. I’m all about supporting cottage industries and, yeah, I’d like to visit the Arizona desert as a break to the Pacific Northwest winter wet. I clicked past the home page.

Whooooa! WTF? Is this for real?

Now Facebook being Facebook and Google being Google, we all know there’s NO COLLUSION. Right? But the two mega-monsters somehow conspired to think I’d be a likely candidate for the most sexually-deviant side-show you can imagine. Some primeval urge caused me to keep clicking.

Now, anyone who knows me attests I’m the straightest guy ever. I have a hard time traveling because I can’t bend with the Earth’s curvature—kinky to me means having a feathered pillow—not bringing the whole friggin’ bird into bed—and I’m very comfortable in my heterosexual exoskeleton. But, I’m a curious old ex-cop, ex-coroner and wanna-be crime writer so I just had to look at what was going on with the Southwestern Leather Conference. What I found was truly astounding. I had no idea non-inbred people actually did this sort of thing.

The Southwest Leather Conference is an annual event. It’s been growing steadily since 2002. This year, the conference will have over 2,500 attendants and this fills the Four Points by Sheraton in North Phoenix. It’ll be a sellout, for sure, and Sheraton Hotels proudly endorses the event so it must be well-run. I looked at the event roster and saw categories including Bootblacks, Play Parties, Leather Tribal Revival, Drum Circles, Dance of Souls and the Master/Slave Celebration. Hookay…

I checked out the workshops and presentations. BTW, the website was very professional and informative. It’s just that the content exceeded my experience. I’ll leave it for you to decide what’s in your comfort range. You can exit now or keep reading, but here are some direct quotes about workshops you can take in at the Southwest Leather Conference. Then we’ll go on to the presenters.

Bitches Get Stitches – Suture play can be so much fun but requires skill and tools that not everyone has. We will show you many alternative ways to sew with more common materials and less skills required. You can learn and practice same day with just a few supplies. We will show you how to sew for predicament play, how to sew things on to people and even sew people together. Fun with stretchy cord and other non-traditional materials will also be covered. Come and be creative and have some fun! We can also cover real suturing for those who are interested.

Bootblacks: Historical Foundations, Modern Interpretations, Erotic Potential – Learn more about the historical foundations of today’s bootblacking, both in vanilla history and in scene history, and how that shared history has informed the way that bootblacks today work, collaborate, teach and minister to leathers. There are as many styles of bootblacking as there are bootblacks and our culture of diversity and inclusivity reflect that. Bootblacks are sometimes considered the repositories and protectors of our shared leather history; however, unlike academics, bootblacks collect and hold our history through a series of highly personal, often erotic, one-on-one encounters that create this history as often as they collect it. This is not a technical skills class but discussion and thoughts about both leather care and the role of bootblacks in our community are welcomed.

Daddy Mommy girl boy/i Play – Leland will walk you through her very favorite type of play: Daddy Mommy and girl/boy/i. We’ll cover classic activities, spectrums of the dynamic, how this play can fit with D/s, and dark age play. Please note this class focuses more on leather and service, than littles. We will take into account both the Daddy/Mommy and the girl/boy/i perspectives.

Elemental Whips – Grounded feet, watering eyes, soaring thoughts and skin on fire. Though we will cover some basic information and technique, this class will be focused on the connection between top & bottom during whip play. It is intended as a guided exchange of energy, being present, conscious and open to a shared experience with another human being. Participation will be welcomed and encouraged from both sides of the slash. Bring your whips and/or your willingness.

Expression and Connection with Boot Worship – This is a hands-on, interactive workshop with a discussion of basic boot care and the intimacy boot worship can bring to your relationship/s. Fresh ideas, concepts will be explored and inspire new potentials in rituals, protocols or enhancing spiritual energy with the act/s of boot worship. This can be in the form of kneeling, dance, bootblacking, bootsex, or a combination. Bring your boots and open hearts and minds as we discuss, demo, and then hand over the brush to you. Supplies will be available, however bring supplies if you have preferences.

Getting What and Who You Want Through Role Play – Play Fantasies are an integral part of sexuality. Roleplaying can lead to better sex, hotter scenes and more intimate relationships. You may know how to negotiate to get the beatings you want but have you figured out how to fulfill the deeper, darker fantasies you’ve kept hidden? Through demonstrations and discussion, we’ll share strategies for effective role play, so you can break barriers and can bring your desires to light, design a scene of your wildest dreams and even enlist the help of others. We’ll also include how to incorporate costumes, props, fetishes and of course cover negotiations and safety.

Having Sex with Cold Steel – Now that I have your full and complete attention, let’s talk about playing with knives and razors. There are few things on the planet that will get your blood racing and your heart pounding like the cold steel of a beautiful blade. We will discuss types of blades, sizes, shapes and styles. Various techniques and scenarios will also come into play. bring your favorite blade/s and someone to practice on, because this is a hands-on class and demo.

Humiliation and Mind Fuckery – Humiliation play can be a powerful way to connect with a partner or playmate. Opening up to your most vulnerable state and allowing another to play with that can be powerful, fun and scary. How it occurs depends very much on the bottom and where their vulnerabilities lie. This class will help you identify these things in your bottom, how to play with them and how to care for them after. Play like this can often require a bigger time investment with your partner as it can affect them profoundly. There will some great demo to show how Renegade approaches humiliation play. Come enjoy the show.

JLube: It’s Not Just For Cattle Anymore – This class would be 3 parts: Part 1 will consist of basic information on Jlube, risks involved with Jlube and safety practices involved in creating/storing it. Part 2 will consist of an open discussion on common “add-in” ingredients. Here we will discuss the pros and cons of these various personal preference ingredients. Part 3: Using the JLube created live in the class, the presenter will do a live “Fisting 201” (medium/advanced) level demonstration.

Sacred Blood – Blood is a substance deeply rooted in spirituality and magic, and widely regarded as a material component of our life essence. It is the magma of the soul, and when we break the skin it flows from our flesh with all the spiritual power of a freshwater spring released in an earthquake. Come explore a variety of practical techniques for accessing this vital part of ourselves. Topics will include mundane and spiritual safety protocol, negotiating sacred blood scenes, different methods for acquiring blood, and how to use spilled blood for sacred work.

The Hook-Up Joint – Welcome to the meet market. Steven / Carnal_Knowledge and Cricket will help you rock your world and make landing your ideal hook up—whether you want to fuck, make a friend, or find a mentor/play partner—a lot easier. You don’t need to be a pick-up artist; just attend this class and watch your fantasy become reality.

That’s just some of the over 40 workshops you can enroll in at the Southwest Leather Conference. That’s an impressive syllabus if I do say so myself. But what about the presenters? How good are the resources people? Do they know their stuff and have experience? I’ll let you judge from this random presenter list.

BlueFrost – Keynote Speaker – The lovely, and eloquent BlueFrost will be our Keynote Speaker for this year’s Southwest Leather Conference! Don’t forget to add our Keynote Brunch to your event package, you won’t want to miss this!

BlueFrost, devoted slave and wife to Mister-Blue, is the 2018 International slave title holder and the 2017 NorthEast slave title holder, co-founder and co-visionary of the Leather Houses of Color Coalition (LHOCC – pronounced “lock”) and the Mistress of the House of Blue (a Het Male Dominant led Leather family).

She is seasoned with years of experience in kink and BDSM and has many ties throughout the community. As an associate member of a larger group of Leather families, she is known by many as a friend, lifestyle coach, mentor, and sister. Mentored by elders in her local community, she strives to not only carry the torch to light the path for others, but to also brighten her own personal path to excellence in service.

BlueFrost is a familiar face in the public at large as she enjoys sharing lifestyle experiences and information with other slaves and submissives. When time permits, she speaks at national conferences, special interest groups and local munches in an effort to help further educate herself and her peers.

MISTER BLUE – MISTER BLUE, along with his slave BlueFrost, is the 2018 International Master/slave and 2017 NE Master/slave title holder. He is also the senior Master of the House of Blue, an NCSF Coalition Partner, and Board member for both the Leather Houses of Color Coalition and MTTA, Inc.

He has been publicly active in the BDSM Lifestyle for more than a decade. For many years he has taken on various roles and responsibilities in the community as a Mentor, Presenter, and otherwise genuine source of knowledge in the way he has navigated through Kink, Leather, and BDSM.

As an associate member of a larger collective of Leather families, MISTER BLUE has been mentored and raised in Leather by both Masters and Mistresses alike. Having these sources of invaluable and often historical information has allowed him to successfully mentor other Leather Masters and Dominants and pass along this knowledge to the next generation of leaders. As a part of his commitment to educate himself and others, MISTER BLUE teaches about the relationship aspect of the Master/slave model at national conferences and Leather events, local munches and special interest groups.

MOLTENWHISPER – Aliases: Whisper, Mama’s sweet whisper, shenanigator, MOLTENWHISPERER has been a member of the Phoenix Leather and Kink communities since 2009. She identifies as an Alpha slave, a shenanigator, a Mommy and a Bootblack. Whisper carried the title of Southwest Community Bootblack 2012 and is currently part of the producing team for Southwest Leather Bear, Mama Bear and Cub.

She also shares time supporting various other causes and organizations including, the Littles, Southwest Leather Conference, ALBAC, AML and anything else where her Leather Brothers and Sisters might call for help. Whisper has had the pleasure of Judging several Leather contests, and enjoys watching new titleholders experience all of the opportunities and challenges that come with being a public representative for the community.

MOLTENWHISPERER is a Mommy to Sweet Little Boo and is partnered with RavenCross. She also has a beautiful amazing girlfriend Kristal (who lives too far away!) and considers herself to be extremely lucky in her chosen family.

Whisper is a sensualist and also loves a good intellectual fuck. Her proclivities include but are not limited to Bootblacking, needle play, shenanigans, high protocol service, shenanigans, cooking beautiful food, impact play, whipping, caning, predicament bondage, shenanigans, spanking, objectification and dirty nasty piggy piss play. And always, Bacon. And, did I mention, shenanigans.

Pug – Pug is a heterosexual leatherwoman that identifies as a slave, pup, boy, and masochist.  She is the founder and producer of the Southern California Leather Gathering (SCLG), an annual picnic event that brings together BDSM and leather folk of all genders and orientations. Over the years, Pug has been actively engaged in a variety of leather and BDSM organizations. She has been involved with almost every aspect of producing and implementing leather/BDSM events and contests as well as having been a judge for numerous leather title contests across the country.  Pug has also served as a past instructor for the APEX/Butchmanns Experience Academy.

A presenter at countless BDSM and leather events around the U.S. and Canada, she speaks on topics such as fear, protocol, power-based relationships, spirituality and kink, blood play, Kavadi, hot wax, and pup play. Her pup writings have appeared in Jack Rinella’s book, “Partners in Power” as well as in “Pulp” magazine and previously on the LeatherDOG website. Her other BDSM-related writings have previously appeared on websites such as Robert Dante’s Boudoir Noir, Dr. Susan M. Block’s Sexuality Resource Library, as well as her own website leatherpug.com.

Her long history of involvement and activism in both the pansexual and gay BDSM/leather communities led Pug to be interviewed as part of the Women’s Leather History Project which is housed at the Leather Archives and Museum. She has been honored to receive a number of community awards over the years.

Collared since 2014, Pug is honored and proud to be in service to Sir Wombat.  She is also fortunate to call Pup Rocko her Alpha.

MASTER SKIP – MASTER SKIP addressed a crowd of nearly one million people at the Millennium March on Washington, and since then he has given more than a dozen keynote addresses and presented nearly 250 programs on the spiritual dynamics of BDSM at noteworthy leather events throughout North America.  He has been profiled in Nerve.com magazine, Power Exchange magazine, the award-winning documentary film Pup, and Ask the Man Who Owns him, a book on gay male Master/slave relationships that received the National Leather Association’s 2010 non-fiction literary award.

MASTER SKIP is a co-founder of People of Leather Among You (2002-2006), a social and educational group for Southern California men and women interested in the integration of spirituality and leather/fetish sexuality; has served as a core instructor for the Butchmanns Experience (2001-2007), a periodic weekend retreat offering opportunities for profound personal growth to leathermen and women of all sexual orientations and identities; and was a co-producer of Southwest Leather Conference (2004-2010), “The Leather Family Gathering of Heart and Spirit.”  Honors include the Leadership Award and the Lee Montague Memorial Community Service Award from Avatar Club Los Angeles, the Pantheon of Leather Community Choice Award, both the Master Heart Award and the Master Jack McGeorge Excellence in Education Award from the Master/slave Conference, and most recently the Leatherman’s Heart Award from Southwest Leather Conference.

In MASTER SKIP’s own words, “Blood may be thicker than water, but leather is thicker than blood.”

Okay, there’s no doubt this lineup would receive expert witness status within their field. That’s beyond dispute. I’m sure anyone interested in this lifestyle would be enlightened and erotically entertained by their expertise. But how controlled and disciplined are these marginal-from-mainstream magis? Well, the Southwest Leather Conference has strict rules and regulations governing responsible play. Here’s a snapshot of the rules.

Southwest Leather Conference has adopted a “No-Until-Yes” policy of Advanced and Continuous, Enthusiastic, Affirmative Consent for all activities taking place at the Conference. This means that unless a person has specifically said “Yes” to being directly involved in an activity, and as soon as a person tells you to cease directly involving them in an activity (through words or actions) you are obligated to cease directly involving that person in that activity immediately.

Always assume that another person does not want to be directly involved in your activity until you have spoken with them and they have enthusiastically agreed to participate. Past participation in an activity is not an indication that the person is willing to participate in future activity. Those found to be violating the consent of others at the Conference could be banned from further participation in the 2019 event and could be permanently banned from participating in future SWLC events.

The privacy of attendees is paramount to SWLC. Photography/videography/audio recordings of any kind are not allowed at Southwest Leather Conference by regular attendees except in private guest rooms. Select media representatives will have pre-authorization to take photos (but not at the play parties or at the Dance of Souls). We suggest that you leave your cameras in your guest room. Any attendee caught using a camera (including cellphone cameras) in restricted areas might have his/her registration immediately cancelled and the equipment confiscated and checked to ensure that no photos or recordings were taken. That person could be banned from further participation in the 2019 event and could be permanently banned from participating in future SWLC events. The ONLY exception to this rule is after contest and award winners are announced on Saturday evening and Sunday brunch. At that time, the M.C. will announce that photography of the contest/award winners will be allowed for a short time.

Alcohol consumption is only allowed by attendees age 21 and over. Attendees under the age of 21 discovered to be consuming alcoholic beverages at SWLC will be immediately removed from the event with no refund of any part of paid fees.

Non-prescription drugs are not allowed except for over-the-counter medications. Illegal or recreational drugs are absolutely not permitted anywhere at SWLC at any time. If a SWLC staff member suspects drug use or possession of drugs, the person will be immediately removed from the event with no refund of any part of paid fees. 

Clothing that completely covers breasts, genitals, and butt cheeks is required in all areas of the hotel except in guest rooms and where otherwise posted. All SM-related tools and toys must be covered in public areas of the hotel on the public sides of the security curtains.

Throughout reading the Southwest Leather Conference website content, I kept seeing references to a central activity. I found out it’s the Play Party. It seems an anchor point, much like the beer garden at your County Fair.

Ah… No. Let’s call it the way it is. The Play Party is a free-for-all-fuck-fest, but even it has rules. Here’s what’s allowed, what’s not, and what you have to sign-off in order to play.

  • All activities are to be consensual for all parties involved.
  • All activities must be legal. All members must be at least 18 years of age. Discussions of pedophilia, necrophilia or bestiality are strongly discouraged. Sex workers, like all other members of the general community, are welcome, but sexual solicitation at the SWLC event is not acceptable and will result in immediate revocation of your registration and your removal from the event with no refund of any part of your paid fees.
  • The Safeword of the SWLC play space is “Red.” “Red” means stop all action and re-negotiate before continuing.
  • In the event that a Dungeon Monitor tells a member to modify or stop a scene, they must be obeyed. The purpose of the Dungeon Monitors is to see that the rules are enforced. Dungeon Monitors have the responsibility to protect the integrity of the space and the right to stop a scene for non-compliance.
  • There will be no breath play nor choke play.
  • There will be no flying or “aerosoled” blood.
  • There will be no urine or feces play.
  • There will be no fireplay or any open flame allowed.
  • There will be no firearm play (in fact, no firearms are permitted in any hotel space used by SWLC).
  • As soon as it is appropriate when the scene is over, clean up the equipment and vacate for the next players. At various locations in the play space, we have provided cleaning supplies to use on equipment, red containers for contaminated waste, and sharps containers for the sharps.

Participants at the Southwest Leather Conference do so at their free will and accept responsibility, no matter what happens. The waiver covers that. It’d be irresponsible for an event host to assume risk regardless of how well-intentioned participants and facilitators are. Here’s what you have to sign before getting your ID badge at the conference.

I am freely and voluntarily choosing to attend and participate in this event and to view and/or participate in activities that I know are adult-oriented and sexually explicit and that involve acts of domination, submission, bondage, discipline, sadism and masochism, and other explicit and extreme sexual fetishes and activities including, but not limited to, spanking, paddling, whipping, waxing, piercing, knife or edge or blood play, bondage, suspension, fisting and other oral, vaginal and anal penetration. I understand that these activities involve certain risks including, but not limited to, the possible negligent or reckless conduct of other participants.

I am aware that these activities are considered extremely hazardous activities. I am voluntarily participating in these activities with full knowledge of the dangers involved, and I accept and I assume full responsibility for any and all risks of property damage, personal injury or death.

*   *   *

There’s a lot to take in at the Southwest Leather Conference. Admission isn’t much. It’s quite reasonably priced as conferences go, and hotel rooms are well-discounted. If you’re into erotic kinks and the Bootblack or Master/slave lifestyle, it’s probably a good gig.

But, who’s to say what’s normal, right? I know a bunch of you are crime writers and you’d kill to attend Thriller Fest in NYC if you could afford it. It’s on my bucket list, someday for sure, and I hope to meet you there. We’d spend our weekend getting rocks off by hatching heinous homicide plots and devising psychopathic characters who’d hide in your attic, drop down at 3 am, creepy-crawl through the dark, then decapitate you with an ax and gut you like a fish.

For now, though, I’m into the classic leather messenger bag market, not getting whipped to the bleeding point or being pissed and shit on.  I’m happy in my straight style. And, I don’t care what others do—as long as they’re consenting adults and don’t cause property damage, personal injury or unnatural sudden death.

One thing puzzles me. Maybe it’s an Arizona state law. How can someone legally consent to unimaginable sex acts at 18 yet still have to be 21 to drink?