Tag Archives: Humor

SIXTEEN NEW YEARS THOUGHTS FROM GETTING OLD

A4It’s 2016 and I’m starting a new year, just like you. I’m turning sixty this year and finally resolved to do something I’ve meant to do for a long, long time—before I’m too old to carry it out—I cleaned up my hard drive, storing a half zillion documents neatly in folders… and I found this piece stuffed away. I have no idea who wrote it, or where I got it, but it made me chuckle reading these sixteen thoughts from getting old. 

A516. Where there’s a will, I want to be in it.

15. The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it’s still on my list.

14. Since light travels faster than sound, some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

13. If I agreed with you, we’d both be wrong.

12. We never really grow up. We only learn how to act in public.

A711. War does not determine who is right – only who is left.

10. Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.

9. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.

8. I didn’t say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.

7. In filling out an application, where it says, ‘In case of emergency, Notify:’ I put ‘DOCTOR’.

A86. You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.

5. I used to be indecisive. Now I’m not so sure.

4. To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.

3. Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.

2. You’re never too old to learn something stupid.

1. I’m supposed to respect my elders, but it’s getting harder and harder for me to find one now.

Here’s a bonus thought:

Youth and exuberance are no match for old age and treachery 🙂

A6

Happy New Year and I hope 2016 brings you health and happiness—life’s most precious gifts.

FAMOUS LAST WORDS

Famous last words, or a person’s dying words, can make them immortal – never mind leaving wisdom or a good laugh for the living.

Famous Last WordsWhen I started dyingwords.net I put these on a web page. They’re still there, but I thought it’d make a good blog post. If you have any to offer please comment and I’ll add them to the page. Here goes:

William Somerset Maugham – “Dying is a very dull and dreary affair. My advice to you is to have nothing whatever to do with it.”

Errol Flynn – “I’ve had a hell of a lot of fun and I’ve enjoyed every minute of it.”

 

Queen Elizabeth I

Queen Elizabeth I

Queen Elizabeth I – “All my possessions for a moment of time.”

Oscar Wilde – “Either that wallpaper goes or I do.”

 

Julius Caesar

Julius Caesar

Julius Caesar – “Et tu, Brute?”

Che Guevara – “I know you have come to kill me. Shoot, Coward. You are only going to kill a man.”

Thomas Edison – “It is very beautiful over there.”

Prophet Mohammed – “Oh Allah. Pardon my sins. Yes, I come.”

 

Todd Beamer

Todd Beamer

Todd Beamer – “Let’s roll.”

Leonardo Da Vinci – “I have offended God and mankind because my work did not reach the quality it should have.”

Karl Marx – “Last words are for fools who haven’t said enough.”

Jesus Christ – “It is finished. Father, into your hands I commend my spirit.”

 

Robert Alton Harris

Robert Alton Harris

Robert Alton Harris (California Gas Chamber, 1992) – “You can be a king or a street sweeper, but everyone dances with the Grim Reaper.”

Francis ‘Two-Gun’ Crowley (Texas Electric Chair, 1931) – “You sons of bitches. Give my love to mother.”

Crowfoot (American Blackfoot Indian Orator) – “What is life? It is the flash of a firefly in the night. It is the breath of a buffalo in the winter. It is the little shadow which runs across the grass and loses itself in the sunset.”

 

George Armstrong Custer

George Armstrong Custer

George Armstrong Custer (Colonel, U.S. 7th Cavalry) – “Holy cow! Look…at all…the fuckin’…Indians.”

What have you got to add?

I’m dying to hear your words.