Tag Archives: Mental Illness

DID ALIENS REALLY ABDUCT GRANGER TAYLOR?

On the evening of Saturday, November 29th, 1980, then 32-year-old Granger Taylor departed his parent’s farmhouse near the town of Duncan in the Cowichan Valley on southern Vancouver Island, British Columbia, Canada. Granger vanished—apparently into space—never to be seen alive again. Some closest to Granger believe his mysterious disappearance was an actual close encounter of the third kind. They’re convinced that, somehow, aliens really did abduct Granger Taylor.

Alien abduction stories are rare—exceptionally rare. Most people dismiss an alien abduction story as pure bullshit or the product of a mentally impaired mind amplified by hallucinogens. But the theory of Granger’s alien encounter and subsequent space trip are based on interesting facts. That’s partly because Granger Taylor told his friends and family about ongoing telepathic alien contact and left a note explaining what he was up to the night he left home forever. Here’s what Granger’s message said:

Dear Mother and Father, I have gone away to walk aboard an alien ship as reocurring dreams assured a 42 month intersteluar voyage to explore the vast universe, then return. I am leaving behind all my possesions to you as I will no longer require the use of any. Please use the instructions in my will as a guide to help. Love, Granger.”

Hearing a will mentioned in a run-away note immediately raises suicide suspicions. However, Granger modified his will and replaced the words “death” and “deceased” with “departure” and “departed”. The problem with suspecting suicide in Granger’s case was he had absolutely no sign of suicidal thoughts or tendencies. In fact, Granger Taylor had everything to live for. He was an exceptionally bright and gifted man.

The best description for Granger was an eccentric genius. Although Granger was odd in some ways and did a few things outside the lines, no one ever called Granger Taylor crazy. Associates described Granger as “eccentric”, “a prodigy”, “brilliant” and a “mechanical guru”. Over his short time on earth, Granger lived up to these terms and more. However, there’s far more to the Granger Taylor story.

Was this an actual case of alien contact?

Granger Taylor

Granger quit school after Grade 8. He said he’d learned every academic thing he needed to know including reading, writing and arithmetic at a level far beyond his years. Granger went to work repairing and building machinery. He proved a natural machinist and mastered self-taught skills ranging from welding to electronics.

They say Granger was somewhat shy and reclusive, although by no means antisocial or a hermit. He was a large man but extremely gentle and generous. Granger was never one for girls or the party scene, rather he immersed in mechanics and engineering. He remained single and attached to his parents where he slept in his childhood bedroom on their 21-acre rural property.

At age 12, Granger scratch-built an automobile powered by a one-cylinder engine he designed. By 14, he could tear down and rebuild practically every type of motor vehicle and moved on to heavy equipment. That took in logging trucks, farm tractors and vintage bulldozers.

One of Granger’s most ambitious projects was rescuing a derelict steam locomotive from an abandoned logging site. He disassembled the train engine and packed it piece-by-piece from the bush to his farm. Over time, Granger restored the locomotive to full working order. Today, it sits on display at the British Columbia Forest Museum in Granger’s home town of Duncan.

Not satisfied with wheels and tracks, Granger developed a keen interest in flight. His mechanical curiosity was unbounded and he longed to understand how airplanes operated. As strange as it seems, Granger source the fuselage of a World War II Kitty Hawk fighter plane. As with the locomotive, Granger found parts for the plane. What he couldn’t buy, he built.

Within two years, Granger made the Kitty Hawk airworthy. Although he didn’t have an airstrip at his farm, let alone a pilot’s license, Granger’s intelligent creativity came up with a flight plan. He installed restraint bars in the back of the plane and then chained it to a massive tree. By powering up the engine and working the flaps, Granger elevated the aircraft and held it to hover.

Granger’s farm plane was a huge community hit. Many people watched him demonstrate the fighter which he eventually sold to a collector for a tidy sum. Speaking of money, Granger was no slouch when it came to business. By the time he disappeared, Granger amassed a considerable bank account which he left for his parents.

Although Granger was somewhat reserved, he was exuberant about helping the local youth. Granger gave his time and teachings to help kids throughout the Cowichan Valley. There was never a hint of impropriety with young folks associating with Granger and he never had the remotest hint of being troublesome in the community.

Granger Taylor was clearly project-orientated. Once he mastered the mechanics and engineering principles of mobility like vehicles’ locomotives and aircraft, Granger extended his interest horizons. He began studying spacecraft which led to his curiosity about intelligent alien lifeforms and what advanced technology they likely possessed.

Granger made it his mission to find out. The late 70s were a time fixated on the possibilities of space and space life. This was the time of TV shows like Star Trek and movies such as Close Encounters and Star Wars. UFO reports were common and a few alien abduction stories sporadically surfaced.

Granger watched, read and observed everything he could about space travel and what machines would take him there. That led to Granger Taylor building a flying saucer. He made it from two huge satellite TV dishes and welded together a convincing concoction which, for all the world, looked like the classic UFO shape often depicted in alien contact stories.

Granger didn’t intend his flying saucer model to fly. Rather, he used it as a think-tank where he’d spend hours in quiet thought—meditating is a good analogy—and it was during long periods of solitude and altering his state of consciousness that Granger Taylor began to have episodes where he reported telepathic contact with voices from beyond.

One of Granger’s closest friends and confidants was a man named Robert Keller. Bob Keller was younger than Granger—just in his late teens when Granger departed. Bob still lives in the Cowichan area and firmly believes Granger was in full control of his faculties despite disclosing his conversations with distant deities.

Bob Keller also described a side of Granger many didn’t see. It turns out Granger Taylor loved smoking marijuana. He did some of his best thinking while stoned. Keller states he and Granger would seal up the space ship and turn it into a giant hotbox where they’d blast away and reef themselves into another reality.

During these weedy sessions, Granger elaborated on his recurring alien contacts and how they’d offered him safe passage to distant parts so Granger could experience advanced technology first-hand. Granger told Keller that his departure day was approaching and leaving the earth was something he had to accomplish.

Bob Keller also disclosed that besides cannabis, Granger experimented with hallucinogens—specifically LSD or acid. In later media interviews, Granger’s sister confirmed the LSD abuse but was steadfast it was simply a curiosity for Granger to expand his mind. There were no reports Granger was a habitual drug user with bad trip troubles that would negatively affect or impair his thought process.

Granger Taylor’s parents also confirmed Granger “did some drugs” but he had no substance abuse issues, including alcohol. Granger didn’t drink. The parents were also adamant Granger showed no sign of mental illness and absolutely no hint of suicidal plans. To all Granger’s family members and friends, Granger was on a continuous curiosity voyage and it was a natural step to seek higher knowledge.

Granger’s Parents – Jim & Grace Taylor

Family and friends were divided about the alien abduction theory surrounding Granger Taylor. Some believed it and some didn’t. But all agreed Granger’s whereabouts was a total mystery. As Jim Taylor (Granger’s father) put it at the time, “It’s hard to believe Granger went off in a space ship, but if there is a flying object out there, he’s the one to find it.”

Granger Taylor’s 42-month hiatus expired on May 29th, 1984. During the time, Jim and Grace Taylor kept their back door unlocked and their son’s bedroom intact in the remote hope the ship would land and Granger would return unharmed. It didn’t work out that way.

In 1986, nearly six years after Granger left the note for his folks, forest workers discovered a giant blast site in the woods. Not too far from the Taylor farm, as the crow flies, there was an overgrown debris area roughly 600 feet in diameter. This was off a secluded service trail near the top of Mount Prevost which is the high point overlooking the Cowichan Valley.

Strewn about the blast site were vehicle parts. Shrapnel was embedded in trees well above the ground and other parts were driven deep into the soil. The police investigated and soon tied the blast site to Granger Taylor. Within the debris field were parts displaying the vehicle identification number (VIN) recorded on Granger’s pickup truck. A police dog search found fractured human bones, the largest being a left-arm humerus. And, sadly, Grace Taylor confirmed that clothing remnants recovered from the site were consistent with a shirt she’d made for their son.

There was nothing left of Granger Taylor’s body to make a positive ID. His skull and teeth weren’t found, and this was the days before prevalent DNA testing. However, the circumstances were sufficient for the coroner to confirm Granger’s death and the police were satisfied there was no foul play—despite the enormous explosion.

Officially, Granger Taylor’s missing persons case was closed with his classification of death being “undetermined”. Coroners have five death classifications available to wrap up their investigations—natural, accidental, suicide, homicide and undetermined. Common sense dictates no case could arguably be made of Granger dying from natural causes. Additionally, there was no evidence that someone killed Granger to establish a homicide ruling.

It’s a stretch to think Granger accidentally blew himself up, certainly not with a force of that magnitude. That leaves a hard look at suicide. However, coroners must follow a guideline called the “Beckon Test” where the balance of probabilities must overwhelmingly support a conclusion the decedent intentionally took their own life.

In Granger Taylor’s case, the coroner obviously struggled with firmly concluding the death was a suicide. One supporting pillar for a suicide conclusion is any history of suicidal thoughts, expressions or tendencies. In Granger’s case, there was nothing—absolutely nothing—in his past to suggest he was planning a suicide. Within the normal understanding, that is. It appears the presiding coroner ruled with caution and gave Granger the benefit of the doubt despite knowing about suspicious occurrences happening the day Granger Taylor said goodbye.

Jim Taylor reported that a “significant” volume of dynamite disappeared from his farm along with Granger. The Taylors were licensed to keep and use explosives for stump clearing on their land. Granger was completely familiar and competent with using dynamite and engineering explosive demolitions.

Something else happened on November 29th, 1980. A “100-year” storm hit the Cowichan Valley that evening. It knocked down trees and killed power across the area. Granger knew it was coming, and he’d told Bob Keller that the aliens would arrive under the cover of a storm to camouflage their presence.

Granger was last seen leaving a diner where he was a usual patron. This was about 6:30 pm. It’s a half-hour drive from the restaurant to the top of Mount Prevost through a tight, switch-backed dirt road. Around 8:00 pm, residents at the mountain’s base heard a loud “Boom!” It wasn’t consistent with storm thunder.

Looking back, there’s no doubt Granger Taylor died in a vehicle explosion. The evidence is overwhelming and conclusive. There’s also no realistic doubt Granger orchestrated the blast that ended his life. The question is why.

Why did an apparently untroubled and free-thinking man do something so outrageous? Why did Granger plan his demise and tie it to contacting alien intelligence? What in this world was going on in that brilliant mind?

I don’t think this puzzle can be solved. It can only be speculated. Perhaps the answer lies within the mind and where sources for ideas originate—no matter how bizarre, creative or devastating these notions can be.

Most people believe in some sort of a higher power that provides all information necessary to govern the universe. You can call it God, Infinite Intelligence or Mother Nature. Regardless of the name, human minds seem programmed to tap into this source of ideas that Plato called “Forms”. That’s where the word “information” derives.

Granger Taylor was a remarkable man. In life, he was inventive and inquisitive. Many similar people are described as a blend between nuts and geniuses. Maybe it’s because their thoughts are so far out on some intelligence plane that “normal” people like me can’t relate.

Possibly a genius like Granger projected his thoughts into a part of the universe not experienced by most humans at this point of our evolution. Maybe, in return, some sort of thought pool—call it an alien presence, if you’d like—responded to Granger and communicated in some telepathic way. Strange things happen. Think how lesser species like spiders get instructions to build web structures that humans can’t recreate with our current technology.

There’s an argument that Granger had some sort of undiagnosed mental trouble. Compounding the mental illness, his mind might have been polluted by illicit drugs. But that doesn’t wash given Granger’s history and the mass of literature indicating few people, if any, are driven to a thoroughly planned-out suicide by a mellow pot buzz or a good acid trip.

No. Something else had to be going through Granger Taylor’s head when he rocketed himself and his truck on top of the mountain. Perhaps it was a true belief he’d mentally connected with alien intelligence forms and the only way to leave his earthly shackles and join them was by blowing himself into space.

If that’s the truth then maybe, in some bizarre psychological way, aliens really did abduct Granger Taylor’s mind.

POST-TRAUMATIC STRESS DISORDER IS A NASTY BITCH

PTSD1CLast month another police officer took his own life after a lengthy battle with Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder. I’ve handled lots of suicide cases over the years, but this one hit close to home –  I knew Corporal Ken Barker. We’d worked together prior to the events which brought on Ken’s PTSD.

Ken was one of the best-liked, most approachable Royal Canadian Mounted Police members I ever met. He certainly wasn’t the stereotype who’d you think would suffer a PTSD mental illness. Wait – there’s no such thing as a stereotype PTSD sufferer and, yes, PTSD is a mental illness.

PTSD2There’s a higher awareness of PTSD today than back in the 1990’s when I was posted with Ken. Personally, I’ve experienced events as a cop and a coroner which should have brought on PTSD in me, but didn’t. I was very aware of the disorder and knew to recognize the signs. Also, I wasn’t scared to talk about PTSD and I think that’s the best form of prevention and treatment.

Today, I watch with caution as my son’s career in the Canadian Army unfolds and the suicide deaths of soldiers pile up into a national crisis. There are more Canadian soldiers who died of PTSD related suicides than were killed in ten years of active combat in Afghanistan.

So who is this Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder bitch?

Clinically, PTSD is classified as a trauma and stress related disorder stipulated in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders IV. 

It’s simply summarized as:

1. Exposure to a traumatic event.

This includes both physical harm, or the risk of serious injury or death to self or others, and a response to the event that involved intense fear, horror, or helplessness. The traumatic event should be of a type that would cause significant symptoms of distress in almost anyone, and that the event was outside the range of usual human experience.

2. Persistent re-experiencing.

PTSD3One or more of these must be present in the victim: flashback memories, recurring distressing dreams, subjective re-experiencing of the traumatic event(s), or intense negative psychological or physiological response to any reminder of the traumatic event(s).

A. Persistent avoidance and emotional numbing.

PTSD4This involves a sufficient level of avoidance of stimuli associated with the trauma, such as certain thoughts or feelings, or talking about the event(s) and avoidance of behaviours, places, or people that might lead to distressing memories as well as the disturbing memories, dreams, flashbacks, and intense psychological or physiological distress. It includes the inability to recall major parts of the trauma(s), or decreased involvement in significant life activities as well as a decreased capacity (down to complete inability) to feel certain feelings, and an expectation that one’s future will be somehow constrained in ways not normal to other people.

B. Persistent symptoms of increased arousal not present before.

These are all physiological response issues, such as difficulty falling or staying asleep, or problems with anger, concentration, or hyper-vigilance. Additional symptoms include irritability, angry outbursts, increased startle response, and concentration or sleep problems.

C. Duration of symptoms for more than 1 month.

If all other criteria are present but 30 days have not elapsed, the individual is diagnosed with acute stress disorder. Anything longer would be considered chronic.

D. Significant impairment.

The symptoms reported must lead to clinically significant distress or impairment of major domains of life activity, such as social relations, occupational activities, or other important areas of functioning.

PTSD5Although most people with PTSD will develop symptoms within three months of the traumatic event, some people don’t notice any symptoms until years after. A major increase in stress, or exposure to a reminder of the trauma, can trigger symptoms to appear months or years later.

Who’s susceptible to PTSD?

Generally, at highest risk are those who experience traumatic events more frequently and for longer exposure. Combat personnel (soldiers, sailors, and airmen) are at the forefront, followed by emergency responders like police, firefighters, and medical professionals.

PTSD6There are other risk groups. Survivors of violent acts like sexual assault and attempted murder commonly experience post-traumatic stress. This extends to accident victims and witnesses of violent incidents.

What’s the medical reason for PTSD?

Three areas of the brain which control and administer PTSD have been identified. They’re the prefrontal cortex, the amygdala, and the medial prefrontal cortex.

Traumatic events cause an over-reactive adrenaline response, which creates deep neurological patterns in the brain.

PTSD7These patterns can persist long after the event that triggered the fear, making an individual hyper-responsive to future fearful situations. During traumatic experiences, the high levels of stress hormones secreted suppressed hypothalamic activity that may be a major factor toward the development of PTSD.

These biochemical changes in the brain and body differ from other psychiatric disorders such as major depression and bi-polar. Individuals diagnosed with PTSD respond more strongly to a dexamethasone suppression test than individuals diagnosed with clinical depressions.

PTSD8In addition, most people with PTSD also show a low secretion of cortisol and high secretion of catecholamines in urine with a norepinephrine / cortisol ratio consequently higher than comparable non-diagnosed individuals. This contrasts to the normal fight-or-flight response, in which both catecholamine and cortisol levels are elevated after exposure to stress.

Getting clinical – brain catecholamine levels are high and corticotropin concentrations are high. Together, these create an abnormality in the hypothalamic-pituitary-adrenal (HPA) axis.

The HPA axis is responsible for coordinating the hormonal response to stress. Given the strong cortisol suppression to dexamethasone in PTSD, HPA axis abnormalities are predicated on strong negative feedback inhibition of cortisol, itself likely due to an increased sensitivity of glucocorticoid receptors.

Translating this reaction to human conditions gives a patho-physiological explanation for PTSD by a maladaptive learning pathway to fear response through a hyper-sensitive, hyper-reactive, and hyper-responsive HPA axis.

PTSD9Low cortisol levels may also predispose individuals to PTSD and studies indicate that people that suffer from PTSD have chronically low levels of serotonin, which contributes to the commonly associated behavioral symptoms such as anxiety, ruminations, irritability, aggression, suicidality, and impulsivity. Serotonin also contributes to the stabilization of glucocorticoid production.

Insufficient dopamine levels in patients with PTSD can contribute to anhedonia, apathy, impaired attention and moto-skill defects. Increased levels of dopamine leads to psychosis, agitation, and restlessness.

Why are flashbacks so common in PTSD sufferers?

In a traumatic experience, the mind processes and stores the memory differently than it stores regular experiences.

Sensory information about the trauma – smells, sights, sounds, tastes, and the feel of things – is given high priority in the mind and is remembered as something threatening.

PTSD10Once this happens, whenever the sufferer is faced with a touch, a taste, a smell, a feel, or a sight that reminds them of the trauma, the memory (and the feeling of threat) comes back up and vivid memories or flashbacks about the trauma occur.

Getting all clinical again, a hyper-responsiveness in norepinephrine receptors in the prefrontal cortex is connected to the flashbacks. A decrease in other norepinephrine functions prevents the memory mechanisms in the brain from processing that the experience and emotions the person is experiencing during a flashback are not associated with the current environment. In other words, it takes them right back to the trauma time and it seems very, very real.

What can be done about it?

Many sufferers feel guilt or shame around PTSD because they’re often told they should just ‘suck-it-up’ to get over difficult experiences. Others feel embarrassed in talking with others. Some feel like it’s somehow their own fault.

Here’s the common treatments.

Counselling

PTSD11Cognitive-behavioural therapy (CBT) is effective. Very effective. CBT teaches how thoughts, feelings, and behaviours work together and how to deal with problems and stress. Relaxation techniques, such as meditation and hypnosis are used. This exposure therapy helps the sufferer talk about their experience and helps reduce avoidance.

In my experience, this stuff works. But the sufferer has to know the disorder before accepting the treatment.

Medication

A number of medications can prevent PTSD or reducing its incidence, especially when given in close proximity to a traumatic event. These include:

SSRIs (Selective Serotonin Reuptake Inhibitors)

SSRIs are considered to be a first-line drug treatment. They include citalopram, escitalopram, fluoxetine, paroxetine, and sertraline.

Tricyclic antidepressants 

Amitriptyline benefits distress and avoidance symptoms. Imipramine is effective for intrusive symptoms.

Alpha-adrenergic antagonists

In a study of combat veterans, prazosin shows substantial benefit in relieving or reducing nightmares. Clonidine helps with startle, hyper-arousal, and general autonomic hyper-excitability.

Anti-convulsants, mood stabilizers, and anti-aggression agents

PTSD12Carbamazepine reduces arousal symptoms involving noxious affect, as well as mood or aggression factors. Topiramate is effective in achieving major reductions in flashbacks and nightmares. Zolpidem proves useful in treating sleep disturbances. Lamotrigine reduces re-experiencing symptoms as well as avoidance and emotional numbing. Valproic acid reduces symptoms of irritability, aggression, impulsiveness, and reducing flashbacks. Similarly, lithium carbide works well to control mood and aggressions (but not anxiety) symptoms. Buspirone has an effect similar to lithium, with the additional benefit of reducing hyper-arousal symptoms.

Antipsychotics

Risperidone is the main medication for dissociation, mood issues, and aggression issues while cyproheptadine, a serotonin antagonist, helps with sleep disorders and nightmares.

Atypical antidepressants

Nefazodone works with sleep disturbance symptoms, secondary depression, anxiety, and sexual dysfunction symptoms. Trazodone reduces or eliminates problems with anger, anxiety, and disturbed sleep.

Beta Blockers 

Propranolol has demonstrated possibilities in reducing hyper-arousal symptoms, including sleep disturbances – but the jury’s out.

Benzodiazepines

PTSD13These drugs are not recommended by clinical guidelines for the treatment of PTSD due to a lack of evidence of benefit. Nevertheless, some doctors use benzodiazepines with caution for short-term anxiety relief of hyper-arousal and sleep disturbance, and believe that the use of benzodiazepines is proper for acute stress, as this group of drugs promotes dissociation and ulterior revivals. While benzodiazepines can alleviate acute anxiety, there is no consistent evidence that they can stop the development of PTSD, or are at all effective in the treatment of posttraumatic stress disorder.

Additionally, benzodiazepines may reduce the effectiveness of psychotherapeutic interventions, and there’s some evidence that benzodiazepines contribute to the development and chronification of PTSD. Other drawbacks include the risk of developing a benzodiazepine dependence and withdrawal syndrome. Additionally, individuals with PTSD are at an increased risk of abusing benzodiazepines.

Glucocorticoids

High-dose corticosterone administration was recently found to reduce ‘PTSD-like’ behaviours in a rat models. In this study, corticosterone impaired memory performance, suggesting that it may reduce risk for PTSD by interfering with consolidation of traumatic memories. The neurodegenerative effects of the glucocorticoids, however, may prove this treatment counterproductive.

That’s great lab-rat stuff which I’m not going to try myself. However, the next stuff is something that I think ‘where’s there’s smoke – there’s fire”.

Cannabis

PTSD14There’s a study underway between a University and one of Canada’s largest producers of medicinal cannabis, suggesting that the active ingredients in marihuana – tetrahydrocannabinol and cannabinoids – may be very effective in reducing PTSD symptoms. Many PTSD sufferers self-medicate through black-market cannabis and swear by it. It’ll be interesting to see this clinical study’s results.

Support groups

PTSD15Support groups definitely help. Here people share experiences and learn from others. Connecting with people who understand what the sufferer goes through is probably the most effective form of treatment and this leads to identifying other forms of treatment such as medication and psychological intervention.

PTSD awareness is much greater in the twenty-first century, but the disorder is long known and buried. Historically they called it battle fatigue, shell-shock, and the thousand-yard stare. Soldiers were actually shot by their own command for perceived cowardness. I’ll bet the majority weren’t afraid – they were just suffering a nasty bitch of a disorder.

PTSD16On a personal note – looking back – I believe my dad suffered from PTSD. He was a gunner on a RCAF Lancaster bomber during World War II; the veteran of 113 operational runs. If that doesn’t do something to the psyche, I don’t know what would. I remember him sitting for long periods… on a big flat rock in our yard… in that thousand-yard stare… until his cigarette… burned down to his fingers… and snapped him back to reality.

After nearly six decades of life experience and being exposed to more traumatic life & death exposures than I can count, I can’t say that I’ve experienced PTSD.

Grief, yes. Compassion; in spades. Fear – I’ve been absolutely shit-scared, bewildered, and abhorred; being down on my belly under gunfire and questioning the existence and authority of Infinite Intelligence. But I’ve never experienced guilt and I don’t know much about it. Guilt seems like an evil, degenitive force who’s metaphysical purpose is to destruct. A lot more needs to be known about the psychological effects of guilt.

I think guilt is the nasty bitch in PTSD and I think that guilt walks hand-in-hand with shame.

Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder is a complex mix of psychological, physiological, and metaphysical workings and it’s nothing to be guilty about or ashamed of. It’s a naturally-occurring, mental illness. With proper support and effective treatment, PTSD sufferers can fully recover.

Remember, PTSD isn’t about what’s wrong. It’s about what’s happened.

Please leave your comments, ask questions, or tell about your experiences. It’s okay to talk about PTSD and raising awareness is the best form of treatment… and prevention.

I’M TAKING CRAZY BACK!

Sarah Fader is my friend. We share mental illness. Sarah suffers it and she talks to me. I try to understand and support her. Both of us know there’s nothing crazy about having a mental illness. 

sarah12Hi, my name is Sarah Fader and I have mental illness. I have lived with panic disorder and depression for my entire adult life. I began having panic attacks as a teenager and they continued into adulthood.

I am a mother of two beautiful children. I am a sister, a daughter, a friend, and a human being. I am a survivor, a warrior, a writer, a poet, an actor, and an artist. I am many things, but I am not crazy.

Crazy is a derogatory word.

sarah3Crazy is a curse word in my book, which I have yet to write. Do not call me crazy. Call me brave, call me scared, call me Sarah, but do not call me “crazy,” because I’m not. I’m Sarah, and I’m a multitude of other adjectives that do not include that word.

sarah5I am your neighbor. I am sitting next to you on the train. I am talking to you in the grocery store. I am smiling at you as we pass one another on the street. I am just like everyone else you meet.

Only I’m not, because I am living with a significant mental illness that challenges me every day.

AFP6E1My mental illness is like an annoying neighbor who won’t get the hint when you want her to go home. My mental illness is my nemesis. It fools me. It tells me that I’m worthless. It tells me to give up. It tells me to stop. Go no further. Don’t do that, don’t succeed. You are not enough. You are not worthy.

I fight those thoughts every day.

sarah7But here’s the thing. Someone you are sitting next to in a coffee shop is just like me, but they won’t tell you that. Mentally ill people are living among us. They are just silenced continually by our society. 

So stop.

Look around you.

And know…

that if you have been called crazy… you are not alone…

I am standing beside you waving my freak flag high.

Because I’m taking crazy back.

You can’t have it anymore.

There is no crazy… only human.

*   *   * 

1962693_10152595512680278_1852829723_nSarah Fader is the creator of the popular parent-life blog Old School /New School Mom. Here’s her website:  oldschoolnewschoolmom.com. 

Sarah is a native New Yorker who enjoys naps, talking to strangers, and caring for her two small humans and two average-sized cats. Additionally, like about six million other American adults, Sarah lives with panic disorder.

SarahSigma10She writes for Psychology Today on her column Panic Life and has been featured on The Huffington Post, Good Day NY, and HuffPost Live. She is currently leading the Stigma Fighters campaign which gives individuals with mental illness a platform to share their personal stories.

Through Stigma Fighters, Sarah hopes to show the world that there is a diverse array of real, everyday people behind mental illness labels.

Check out Stigma Fighters at www.stigmafighters.com .

Here’s Sarah’s personal website oldschoolnewschoolmom.com

Follow Sarah on Twitter @osnsmon