Tag Archives: Life

ELEVEN THINGS YOU CAN’T DO WHEN YOU’RE DEAD

Recently a 60 year old acquaintance of mine suffered a brain aneurysm.

CasketJeff lingered on life support for a few days while his family made very difficult decisions, including preparing for his organs to be donated once the inevitable came and the plug would be pulled.

No one saw this coming; not family, not friends, not co-workers – and especially not Jeff. I didn’t know him well, but he struck me as a decidedly happy type who really enjoyed life. Jeff was certainly well loved by his friends and his grieving family.

Grim reaperA few weeks have gone by and I’ve been thinking about if it were me who had that aneurysm. What would I regret if the Reaper showed up tomorrow? What can I do now, that I can’t when I’m dead.

In no particular order, here’s eleven things.

1. Take a day off work.

Can you imagine anyone wishing they’d spent more time at work.

Family photo2. Get a family photo done.

Give your loved ones something to treasure.

3. Re-connect with old friends.

Think of whom you’ve lost touch with. Pick up the phone. Email. Facebook ‘em. Do it now… before it’s too late.

Dog walk4. Take the dog for a walk.

Make it a long one. If you don’t have a dog, go borrow one. Rent one if you have to. Dogs are cool and the more you talk to them, the better they like it, and the better you get to know yourself.

5. Send a love letter.

Doesn’t matter to whom. Just let those real feelings out while you can. This is one thing you’ll never regret.

6. Try something new.

HippieA new eatery. Take an artistic course. Bungee-jump. Talk to a hippie. Go geocaching. Give ten bucks to some random, homeless guy. Quit your job, pack up, and head south. Do something new. Don’t stay in that deepening rut.

7. Watch kids play.

Make it a long watch. If you don’t have kids, go borrow some. Rent them if you have to. Lots of ‘em. Better yet, let the dog play with the kids. There is nothing – absolutely nothing – like the sound of children laughing.

8. Go on a picnic.

PicnicTake your spouse. Or your lover. Preferably not both. Maybe your mom and your dad. Daughter or son. Pack cold chicken and potato salad. Cold pinot gris and that red checkered blanket. Go. To hell with the rain. Just go.

9. Volunteer.

Help out a cause. Join a service club or a clean-up group. Help out the seniors or raise money for Guides. Canvas for the heart & stroke foundation, cancer society, MS, or MD. Give something back.

10. Write that book.

Write BookAdmit it. Everybody’s got a book inside them. Start it. Or finish it. Start another. There has never, ever been a better time to be a writer. For God’s sakes, I’m living proof. If I can get one published there is absolutely no frikkin’ reason why you can’t.

11. Sign up as an organ donor.

It takes ten minutes. Let everyone in your circle know and encourage them to do the same.

Jeff was an organ donor.

This is the one thing that Jeff could do after he died.

Organ donor

And because of Jeff’s generosity, four other people are alive today.

So enjoy life. Decide to be happy.

And sign-up today.

You never know when the Reaper will show up.

WHAT’S BEHIND THE BLACK DOOR?

What’s going to happen to you in death?

DeathWhere do you go? What will you do? Is it truly the end of your life? Or the beginning of another? Are you just going to have one long sleep? Or a continuation of your eternal journey?

HeavenWill you meet past departed loved ones? Or connect with your maker? Will you go to heaven? Or to hell? Will you be alone? Consoled? In purgatory, peace, or in peril? Pain? Comfort? Agony? Bliss?

I’ve been asked these questions, and a lot more, by those close to the deceased that I’d examined as a Coroner – bereaved folks, struggling for what makes sense. I don’t have the answers, still don’t, so I did a lot of listening and let them tell me their thoughts.

AfterlifeI observed one consistent thing about human nature. With the exception of the occasional atheist, a basic human trait is a belief in an afterlife. The form varies, but it seems programmed that somehow you recognize that you live on in death. It’s something… you just know.

It’s obvious that your physical body changes form after death, whether that be through natural decomposition or through a mortician’s craft, but what’s fascinating is what happens to the non-physical part of you…

Consciousness.

In life, you’re a conscious being. Consciousness became part of your existence somewhere following your conception and will leave you somewhere around death. Where it came from… and where it goes? No one knows.

consciousnessThe study of consciousness is something that’s only beginning to be discovered in the human journey. Science knows much about what makes your body tick, but almost nothing about your mind.

And what’s your mind? It’s the facilitator of consciousness. The link between the terminal and the eternal; the body/mind duality that philosophers have struggled with since becoming aware of consciousness. So it makes sense that your mind is eternal, as is consciousness.

I think what’s behind the black door of death is exactly what was there before you came through it. You go back to the same state you were in before being born. Death just alters your state of consciousness and you continue to live on forever.

What do you think’s going to happen to you?

I’m dying to hear your words.

ARE YOU PREPARED TO DIE?

Have you made preparations for your death?

Coroner BadgeDuring my time as a coroner, I experienced many cases where a death was sudden and totally unexpected. The deceased made no plans, gave no directions, and the family was left in utter devastation, grief, and turmoil, to sort out a mess.

Most estate plans address the basics like wills, insurance, and funeral arrangements, but they don’t think of two things that will bite your family, big time, if not planned for.

1.  Your death must be supported by two legal documents.

Death CertificateThese are your Registration of Death (ROD), commonly called the Death Certificate, and your Medical Certificate of Death (MCD) which families rarely see. Your ROD is the opposite of your Birth Certificate.  Your MCD is a different thing. It states the cause of your death and can get quite complicated. That’s why authorities don’t want your family trying to interpret it. Your MCD can only be signed by your family doctor if your death classification is Natural, or by the coroner having jurisdiction where your death is not natural (Accident, Suicide, Homicide, or Undetermined) or… if you don’t have a family physician. No exceptions. When your cause of death can’t be immediately determined and awaits autopsy/toxicology results, a coroner can issue an interim certificate and release your body, however your estate legalities can’t be dealt with until the final MCD is done. This can be hastened by making sure you have a family physician.

2.  Your body can only be released to your legal Next-Of-Kin.

Funeral homeIf your NOK can’t be determined or located, your body has to lay in the morgue till this gets straightened out. All jurisdictions have an NOK designation list, starting with estate executor, spouse, oldest child, sibling, etc. Where this gets really messy is where spouses aren’t legally defined (common-law arrangements don’t apply, regardless of the length of time together) or the legal NOK is known, but can’t be found.

Grave siteDo everyone a favour. Get a family doctor and make sure your NOK is clearly identified. Same goes for someone who you’re the primary NOK to.  And here’s a really good primer / checklist on death preparation from the University of California that covers all else.

atyourservice.ucop.edu/forms_pubs/misc/prepinevit.pdf

So look after these loose ends today.

You don’t want to wait till you’re dead.