Category Archives: Life & Death

I’M TAKING CRAZY BACK!

Sarah Fader is my friend. We share mental illness. Sarah suffers it and she talks to me. I try to understand and support her. Both of us know there’s nothing crazy about having a mental illness. 

sarah12Hi, my name is Sarah Fader and I have mental illness. I have lived with panic disorder and depression for my entire adult life. I began having panic attacks as a teenager and they continued into adulthood.

I am a mother of two beautiful children. I am a sister, a daughter, a friend, and a human being. I am a survivor, a warrior, a writer, a poet, an actor, and an artist. I am many things, but I am not crazy.

Crazy is a derogatory word.

sarah3Crazy is a curse word in my book, which I have yet to write. Do not call me crazy. Call me brave, call me scared, call me Sarah, but do not call me “crazy,” because I’m not. I’m Sarah, and I’m a multitude of other adjectives that do not include that word.

sarah5I am your neighbor. I am sitting next to you on the train. I am talking to you in the grocery store. I am smiling at you as we pass one another on the street. I am just like everyone else you meet.

Only I’m not, because I am living with a significant mental illness that challenges me every day.

AFP6E1My mental illness is like an annoying neighbor who won’t get the hint when you want her to go home. My mental illness is my nemesis. It fools me. It tells me that I’m worthless. It tells me to give up. It tells me to stop. Go no further. Don’t do that, don’t succeed. You are not enough. You are not worthy.

I fight those thoughts every day.

sarah7But here’s the thing. Someone you are sitting next to in a coffee shop is just like me, but they won’t tell you that. Mentally ill people are living among us. They are just silenced continually by our society. 

So stop.

Look around you.

And know…

that if you have been called crazy… you are not alone…

I am standing beside you waving my freak flag high.

Because I’m taking crazy back.

You can’t have it anymore.

There is no crazy… only human.

*   *   * 

1962693_10152595512680278_1852829723_nSarah Fader is the creator of the popular parent-life blog Old School /New School Mom. Here’s her website:  oldschoolnewschoolmom.com. 

Sarah is a native New Yorker who enjoys naps, talking to strangers, and caring for her two small humans and two average-sized cats. Additionally, like about six million other American adults, Sarah lives with panic disorder.

SarahSigma10She writes for Psychology Today on her column Panic Life and has been featured on The Huffington Post, Good Day NY, and HuffPost Live. She is currently leading the Stigma Fighters campaign which gives individuals with mental illness a platform to share their personal stories.

Through Stigma Fighters, Sarah hopes to show the world that there is a diverse array of real, everyday people behind mental illness labels.

Check out Stigma Fighters at www.stigmafighters.com .

Here’s Sarah’s personal website oldschoolnewschoolmom.com

Follow Sarah on Twitter @osnsmon

ALTERED STATES OF CONSCIOUSNESS

Bude Sheep StandingThirty years ago I had an out-of-body experience—an OBE. And, no, I’m not nuts. At the time, I was a Royal Canadian Mounted Police officer involved in an Emergency Response Team operation. We attempted to capture an armed and deranged bushman wanted for murder in the northern Canadian wilderness. It’s now known as The Teslin Lake Incident.

Mike Buday, my partner, and I were static—in a defensive position—camouflaged in deep snow, while a second squad drove the suspect towards us across a frozen lake. Three hundred yards away, we lost sight as Michael Oros entered the thick-timber shoreline. In less than ten minutes, Oros circled around us.

Mike & TrooperI had the eeriest sense. Then—imminent—extreme danger. I glanced over my left shoulder. Through a thick, gray wash of leafless brush I saw Oros’ face materialize forty-four yards away. I yelled “Mike! He’s right behind you!” Oros’ rifle exploded. He shot Mike Buday—my best friend and my partner—in the back of the neck, killing Mike instantly.

In the same nanosecond—my state of consciousness altered. Non-locally—I viewed the scene from outside my body as if sitting on a branch of a huge tree, watching it unfold from above. I had a complete sense of calm—like time stopped—and the world was a slow-motion picture. Frame by frame, I watched Oros work his bolt, turn, point his rifle at me, and pull his trigger.

I kept watching as the M-16 rifle in my hands rose. It rotated to my left. Beaded Oros’ face. And squeezed one round. Oros’ head vanished. I snapped back to local consciousness. That turned into terror.

photo 4 (1)The investigation determined my M-16’s returning shot hit Oros in the forehead. It terminated his existence immediately. When the bolt on Oros’ rifle was opened, the investigators found the live cartridge in Oros’ chamber had the firing pin punctured. It failed to go off. No scientific reason for the misfire has ever been determined.

Likewise, the scientific reason for my out-of-body experience has yet to be determined and I’ve spent the past three decades investigating it. And I do believe there’s a scientific explanation for it, because I’m not nuts and I know that it happened. And I refuse to write it off as “Paranormal”. 

I’m not the only one who’s experienced an OBE. Researchers claim that around ten percent of people have experienced some form of yet-to-be explained, altered state of consciousness. I think that the scientific knowledge of consciousness is an untapped frontier. Possibly it’s the next phase of human evolution. 

So what really is an OBE?

OBE5Turning to good ol’ Wikipedia, it’s a mental experience that typically involves a sensation of floating outside one’s body and, in some cases, perceiving one’s physical body from a place outside one’s body (autoscopy).

The term out-of-body experience was introduced in 1943 by George Tyrrell in his book Apparitions and was adopted by researchers as an alternative to belief-centric labels such as astral projection, soul travel, or spirit walking.

OBEs can be unintentionally induced by brain traumas, sensory deprivation, near-death experiences, extreme and immediate danger, disassociative and psychedelic drugs, dehydration, sleep, and electrical stimulation of the brain, among others. It can also be deliberately induced by some, such as Shamans.

Scientifically, how does it work?

OBE6I’ve pondered this ever since I recovered from my shock and grief of the Teslin Lake Incident. It was part healing process and part of my natural curiosity into the science of how and why things happen. I’m not sure if I have the right answer, but I pretty comfortable that OBEs are just part of our human design, just like the flight or fight response to danger. It’s also probably what’s behind the reports of ‘my life flashed before my eyes‘ from car accident victims.

All existence seems to come from a source of infinite intelligence which provides the rules for how the forces of the universe operate such as space, time, energy, matter, and intelligence (STEMI is the term – check this blog post for more).

Integral to human existence is our various levels of consciousness such as awake, asleep, and the always-operating subconscious level that keeps our heart and lungs working. But there’s clearly other states of consciousness like meditative, prayer, hyper-awareness, and the dangerous one which we’ve all experienced when driving—then realizing we don’t remember the last ten miles.

OBE7I’m not religious by definition of belonging to a dogmatic organization, but I’m definitely spiritual by way of believing there’s a reason behind universal existence that can be explained if we possess the knowledge to understand it. Somehow it seems that our various levels of human consciousness are tied into one central point in our mind. That may just be what the soul is. And our soul may be our portal to infinite intelligence.

Four years ago I took a sabbatical to research the soul – call it a soul search.

A plug for my book — No Witnesses To Nothing   I market it as a Crime Thriller, but that’s just marketing bullshit to get attention. It’s actually the story of my search for the science and spirituality behind the human soul. I just disguised it as a murder mystery so people would read it and maybe discover something in themselves.

My journey took me to sweat lodges, talks with leaders in science, teachers in spirituality, and long introspective walks with my dog. My stroll ended up at the door of a true, modern-day Shaman, actually a Sha-woman, and it was here that I opened my eyes to see what was behind my OBE.

OBE9Dr. Leslie Gray is a San Francisco based clinical therapist. I found her work on altered states of consciousness fascinating. She helped me view my OBE as a normal, human response to an extremely traumatic event.

I believe Shamanism to be a legitimate, sound, and professional scientific practice – once I was able to get that knowledge to understand it. Shamanism is the all-inclusive practice of willfully altering your state of consciousness to access knowledge from other sources of intelligence. There’s nothing new about Shamanism. It’s been around as long as the human species and it’s a natural practice of obtaining information. Some people are just better at it than others.

Here’s a quote from Dr. Gray.

OBE11“Shamanism is a method where virtually everyone can learn to “journey” to a world of non-ordinary reality for the purpose of healing themselves, or others, and increasing personal knowledge. This age-old and culturally transcendent technique lets you “leave” your physical body by wilfully altering your state of consciousness to acquire first-hand knowledge from a normally hidden universe.”

The science of how consciousness works remains to be discovered, but I’m now comfortable that my OBE during The Teslin Lake Incident was nothing paranormal.

It was a totally natural, human response that automatically altered my consciousness to a state of hyper-awareness which allowed me to respond in a life or death situation.

I’m so thankful the Creator designed me that way.

THE MYSTERY NOVEL AND THE HUMAN FASCINATION WITH DEATH

Many thanks to my internet friend, fellow crime-writer, and accomplished stage actor Adam Croft for this insightful look at why murder mysteries will always be popular.

Croft2Human beings are fascinated by death. As morbid and unsavoury as that sounds, it’s a good job they are as otherwise I wouldn’t be here writing this article and you wouldn’t be reading it. 

If we did not have a fascination with death, one of the world’s most popular and enduring fiction genres would not exist and I’d be out of a job. So I’m pretty pleased that we do. But what has caused us to be hardwired to think in this way? What makes death and murder in particular so fascinating to us? 

Fascination goes hand in hand with intrigue, and it is to intrigue that we must turn first. Naturally, human beings are intrigued by why someone would want to kill a human being. To most of us, committing a murder is unthinkable. 

Croft6Of course, we’ve all known people that we’d love to kill, but actually contemplating doing it is something entirely different. This intrigue surrounding those who do, then, is entirely natural. It’s one of society’s final taboos and we are naturally intrigued by the ways in which people murder each other. 

There’s also a sense of needing to understand, which is what compels our sense of intrigue. Naturally and evolutionarily, we feel the need to understand the situation of murder in order to protect our species and prevent or predict future occurrences. It would be fair to say that this is an in-built, animalistic sense, which puts our fascination at a level much deeper than sheer intrigue. 

Croft9However, this would be a little too simplistic. Why, then, do real-life murders not fascinate us as much as they did in Victorian times, when newspaper circulation figures would regularly treble off the back of a good murder? 

Nowadays we’re far more satisfied to get our dose of death through fiction. We know fiction isn’t real, so the purely evolutionary theories go out of the window at this point. In my opinion, it’s the complexity and make-up of the murder mystery or crime novel which provides the fascination here. 

Croft4The truth is that most real-life murder is actually incredibly pedestrian. There’s a fight and someone dies. A jealous husband murders his ex-wife. There’s a gangland killing. No particular element of mystery comes into play with any of these situations, which leads me to posit that our fascination with murder is no longer rooted in our desire to protect our species but instead with the logic of the puzzle and the mystery surrounding a well-constructed mystery novel. 

The longevity of the mystery novel is rooted in its complexity and infinitely changing forms. The number of ways in which a crime is committed and the reasons for someone wanting to commit it is what keeps mystery novelists like me in a job. 

Croft10A clever and sophisticated plot is what readers crave and it’s the reason why Agatha Christie is the best-selling author of all time. Her proficiency for developing the twists and turns and ingenious plots for which she was most famed is the reason why people keep going back to her time after time. 

The most us modern-day mystery writers can hope for, following far behind in her wake, is that we might be able to side-step the reader somewhere along the way and leave you guessing to the last. 

Croft8It would be far too simplistic, though, to say that we’re now purely interested in the type of brain-teasing mystery akin to a crossword puzzle. There’s certainly still a psychological element involved, which is why psychological thrillers are huge business. As a species, we pay attention to these sorts of plots because we have an animalistic need to know we are safe. We need to understand the mind of the killer. 

This understanding is the reason why psychology courses and degrees are so popular in the western world, and particularly in Britain, where the murder mystery is particularly venerated. 

Human beings have an innate desire to understand ourselves and other human beings.

If you’ll forgive me adopting a purely political point of view for a moment, this is a very heart-warming realization from a progressive perspective, as our need to understand each other as human beings is something which we’ve been sadly lacking for most of our existence as a species. 

Croft5We can be sure that crime fiction will last, and there are a number of reasons for this. Crime’s bedfellow in terms of sheer popularity is undoubtedly the romance genre; a type of book which offers resolution and has well-rooted and respected forms and conventions. 

Naturally, it has had to adapt and recent years have seen the rise of rom-coms and even the sub-genre of erotica (although many, including myself, would either put erotica into a sub-genre of thrillers or a genre all of its own). 

Croft11Mystery, too, has had to adapt. Writers such as P.D. James have prided themselves in breaching the (admittedly small) gap between crime and literary fiction, combining a well-written book with a tight and intricate plot. 

It would be worth me noting here that the concept of ‘literary fiction’ does not exist to me. The only great literature is a book that you enjoy. Crime novels, generally speaking, have the added benefit of being stripped of pretension and putting the reader first, not setting the writer on an undeserved pedestal. The enduring popularity of the genre is testament to its superiority. 

It would be fair to say, then, that the crime and mystery genre can be expected to live on.

Croft7As our fascination with death and our need for logical complexity continue to be fused together beautifully by fiction, we can be assured of even more great books to come.

 *   *   *

Croft12Adam Croft is a highly successful British author, playwright, and accomplished stage actor.

Adam tells me that by day, he’s a writer and actor. By night, he’s asleep. He enjoys sunshine, Hobnobs, and talking about himself in the third person.

Croft14In terms of his books, Adam principally writes crime fiction and is best known for the Kempston Hardwick mysteries and Knight & Culverhouse thrillers.

His plays are somewhat (read: very) different, focusing on the subtext behind personal relationships as well as exploring themes of world politics and human ethics.

As an actor, he takes whatever he can get.

Croft13Adam’s work has won him critical acclaim as well as three Amazon bestsellers, with his Kempston Hardwick mystery books being adapted as audio plays starring some of the biggest names in British TV.

His books have been bought and enjoyed all over the world, and have topped a number of booksellers’ sales charts.

I’m thrilled to death to have met Adam and look forward to a lengthy friendship and working relationship.

Check out his website   http://adamcroft.net/ 

Friend him on Facebook  https://www.facebook.com/adamcroftbooks

Follow Adam on Twitter  https://twitter.com/adamcroft